Pandering to Savages

2007-12-16T23:28:00.001-06:00

What's worse: the fact that this is a show, or that it was popular enough to warrant a second season and spin-off?

Truly, I'm stumped. Sickened, and stumped.

Mostly sickened.

Not Today

2007-11-20T22:49:00.001-06:00

I was unexpectedly called into work today, so my mind really isn't in it to write about the revenge tragedies. No, I'm not trying to delay it, and yes, I realize I'm pretty much blogging to myself when I write this, but at least I'm technically posting today. NaBloPoMo: satisfied.

And in case you were wondering, here's a few updates from the front lines of the writers' strike. Keep fighting the good fight.

Kraft Kommercials

2007-11-19T19:18:00.000-06:00

I recently helped to make a commercial for a contest with a groups of guys I met in Austin. Kraft wanted 15-second spots about "having a happy sandwich" or something, so this is what we came up with. Well, this is the 30-second extended version, but it worked soooo much better this way. And yes, it is pretty cheesy (pun intended).

It's a satisfying feeling to actually be doing something more than writing, even if it's just a cheese commercial. We'll soon be filming some more hijinks and/or hilarity; I'll be sure to keep you posted.

We'll chat tomorrow. Maybe naughtiness then? Hmm?

A Year in the Life

2007-11-18T20:40:00.000-06:00

It's not everyday you get a year's worth of pictures in one roll of film, but tonight I finally developed a disposable camera I've had since last November. It notched quite a few miles, but always managed to survive trips. This of course begs the question, "What's Greg been up to in the last year?" I'm sure you all care so much, so here's a sample:

November 2006: Phil and Jessica's wedding. Enjoying a drink with one Sen. Andy Hamersen, Esq.

Same night: Post-reception spooning.

December 2006: My sister's graduation from Texas Tech. That's my grandma on the far right, probably admiring some stray cattle. They roam wild in west Texas.

March(ish) 2007: Enjoying someone's drunken misfortune at a friend's cocktail party.

June 2007: Driving back from L.A., the Chief and I spot some covered wagons in the distance. Raping and pillaging ensue.

Last night: Eric and some of his old friends meet in Austin, which is convenient for me, since I live there. It was a lot of fun.

Here's a shot of the entire group at Roux, where we ended up both nights.

Padding

2007-11-17T16:32:00.000-06:00

I don't have much for you today, sadly (thankfully?). Which makes me think that if this NaBloPoMoJoDayGlo is about being a writing exercise, am I doing this simply for the sake of posting today and kinda cheating myself? Probably, but cheating really isn't a problem with me, if you read the post below.

For now, enjoy a classic Daffy Duck cartoon, "Dripalong Daffy." Homber...I love it. One of my favorites.

I'm thinking we may get a bit naughty tomorrow, 17th Century style. What tawdry bits of ribaldry await you? Find out tomorrow.

Oh, and GO MIZZOU!! Here's to a Jayhawk slaughter next Saturday. If the Tigers run the table and beat kU and OU, we're talking championship bowl game. Who's coming with me? I'll bring this up again later.

An Upcoming Case of Mistaken Identity

2007-11-16T14:50:00.000-06:00

In-state residency. Frak.

I'd like to take a class this January at Austin Community College, but I'll have to pay out-of-state tuition. The difference between in-state and out-of-state for a three-hour class? About 640 large: $160 to $800.

But I really want to take this screenwriting class, so what's a poor New Mexican to do? Why, beat the system, of course.

After talking with my sister's boyfriend, he graciously accepted my proposal to take the class under his name. Sure, the class won't go on my record, but that's okay. The only thing I'm worried about is not realizing I'm getting called upon in class. I think I can solve this on the first day: "Hi everyone, my name's Heath, but my friends call me Greg."

I'm also worried about the ramifications if he takes classes there in the fall. Would they have my picture on file after I take one for my student ID? Also, would he meet with the same adviser when he goes in? There are some potential problems, some I'm probably unnecessarily trumping up, but I think this is too good to pass. Your thoughts?

Never Could Stand That Dog...

2007-11-15T16:55:00.000-06:00

Tom Waits has a long record (and a few successful lawsuits) of anti-commercialism. But there was one he lent his voice to, and it just may be the greatest dog food commercial ever. A lot of you have seen this before, and so have I, but it's still worth sharing. That, and it also gives me an excuse to show some vintage Tom Waits singing "Step Right Up" at a live performance in West Germany, so enjoy.

Faith? No More.

2007-11-14T22:04:00.001-06:00

No, this isn't yet another Mike Patton pander (although that will come soon). Instead, this headline is in reference to my lack of faith in our citizenry. And even that's a lie, as I've lost faith in the competency of the general public a looooong time ago. But still, it seemed like a clever enough title for what I have to share.

I know many of you use Google for web searches, directions, babysitting, nuclear bomb assembly instructions, and of course, videos. You're one of millions everyday using this behemoth of a search engine. But what are people looking for? Luckily, Google Videos lets you see the Top 100 videos watched by us John Q. Publics. The top 5? Not pretty. At all. But to save you the trouble of seeing yourself, here they are:

#1: Girls Kissing on a Bed - This is pretty self-explanatory, but I was hesitant to click and watch it, afraid of having my apartment raided by Chris Hansen.
#2: Barbie Girl - Pretty much, it's two girls lip-synching to the Aqua's opus, "Barbie Girl." I can't even think of a joke funnier or more pathetic than that last sentence. Seriously, is this 1997? #2? Really?
#3: "Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy - So many words come to mind when watching this: talentless, hack, Top 40 shit, garroting. This is what gives hip hop and respectable rappers a bad name. Bland, unoriginal rap churned out by studios to do nothing more than sell records and make the entire black population look bad. It's the dumbening of America, one song at a time. Songs like this is why I made my parody to "This Is Why I'm Hot," titled "This Is Why I Suck."
#4: Makeout - Again, more girls making out, this time at some private school. At least I assume so, as I avoided it like everyone avoided me at tonight's film mixer (wait, that's not funny).
#5: Snake coughs up entire hippo - Honestly, the regurgitation of a hippo is probably the most intelligent of everything on this list. And it's nature, so it's educational, right?

So there you go, this is what people are spending their time to look up online. Nothing educational, practical, or even entertaining. And yet, I'm not at all surprised. Until tomorrow, have a good night, everyone.

Inspiration Above My Desk

2007-11-13T16:01:00.000-06:00

This poster hangs above my desk, and I always love looking up and admiring all of its intricacies. This was given to me while working at PAIN Magazine. I truly heart the old school tattoo style, and have thought of going crazy with said style on mine own canvas (but probably won't).

Yes, one of the many perks of working at my previous place of employment was the free swag. In my time, I walked away with quite a few stickers, patches, lotions, soaps, a few pipes, some salvia (but we know how that turned out), three glass-blown dogs (a chow, bulldog, and mini pinscher), an original Sailor Jerry business card along with his book, and lots and lots of artwork from tattoo studios.

Getting artwork was always my favorite. Before the magazines, I was fairly unfamiliar with the goings-on in the body modification community. But over the next 20 months, I got to meet a lot of artists, some of which even played on our softball team. Artists from all over the country would send in pictures of finished pieces and/or information about their studio. I interviewed business/studio owners every month, and I once had a very, very, cool 30-minute conversation with Lyle Tuttle. Also, writers (and friends) were sending in articles and monthly columns, so although I didn't have the ink to walk the walk, I thought I could talk up a pretty good storm.

And I'd like to continue talking about ink, if that's alright. Many people only know shows Inked or L.A. Ink. I have some problems with the former, but they help to expand people's knowledge about tattoos beyond tribals or the lower back butterfly, but there are SO MANY ARTISTS out there making amazing artwork. Here's a few I'd like you to check out:

Monte Agee: That's his name to the right in my links, too. CHECK HIM OUT!! He might be my favorite artist and puts out some incredibly detailed work.
Brandon Bond: From All or Nothing Tattoo in Atlanta. Brandon is a pretty crazy guy; he's been published, put on a DVD following him around, and has won many, many awards.
Mark Carter: Non-tattoo artist, but an artist nonetheless. There's so much embedded within each piece, you find something new each time. Also a really nice guy.
Deano Cook: Very realistic and beautiful underwater tattoos.

...and there's just so many others I can't remember off the top of my head. PAIN was my favorite magazine of the three, as the body mod industry is a very unique, creative, and eccentric one. And to close this post, I'll leave you with some truly old school designs...8-Bit ink!

The Object of My Ire

2007-11-12T18:25:00.000-06:00

Greg hates Porsche Cayennes.

There, I said it. What started out as general dislike in Albuquerque grew to strong annoyance from the overabundance of them in Los Angeles, and now has bloomed into full-blown hatred after getting honked by one today.

I was sitting at a stoplight while taking a delivery, and I notice one stop behind me. When the light turned green, maybe one second had passed when I get a honk from behind. It was that fucking Cayenne, and the driver was obviously much more important than I. I look back startled, wondering if I actually heard that. I even saw the driver next to me do the same, also startled by the driver's dicketry. If I wasn't in a rush to deliver some hot and fresh goodies, I would have planted myself there and waited until the yellow light to go, all the while listening to his honking. But no, I had to drive, so I accelerated s-l-o-w-l-y and had about ten or so cars pass me on the other side before the Cayenne had a chance to pass me. I then sped up and made the delivery, but still fuming over the impatient yuppie. And the car was this ugly tan, too. Fuckstick.

But fuckstick aside, let's talk about the Cayenne itself. First off, why the hell are you buying an SUV from Porsche? Porsche, really? If you're going into a Porsche dealer, it should never...never ever ever...be to look for a family vehicle. Rather, it need only be spacious enough to fit your mistress, midlife crisis, and failing libido. Two-seater? Perfect. And plus, does your SUV really need to be a Turbo?

But with the recent SUV craze by every car company who doesn't need to build one(Lexus, BMW, Audi? Ugh.), I can't really blame Porsche for capitalizing on it as well. However, I can blame the people dumb enough to buy one. Although I'd like to think that after Porsche approved the plan to go forth with the Cayenne, they still fired the guy who proposed it, just out of sheer principle.

Sure, I could just as easily write about my hatred towards Hummer and the horrible H3, but at least they're not pulling any punches about what they are (gas-swallowing, accelerating boxes). To me, a Porsche SUV is blasphemous. If you want to drop that kind of dough on an SUV, buy a Yukon Denali or Cadillac Escalade. At least they look like an SUV should, and you're even buying American, you commie. Trust me, your friends at the country club are laughing at you behind your back. That, and also because your wife is sleeping with her tennis instructor.

*deep breath*

We're going to finish this post on a higher note, so instead of my ranting, let's have Laughing Colors do that for us. The song is called "War on Drugs," and has been widely mislabeled as "Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll" by Guns N Roses. Hence, the GNR images on the video. But the song itself is awful (full of awe). I just wish I had this song during middle school; it would have been my anthem! Such great lyrics...you should listen. Have a great night, everyone.

Tengo ampollas en mis dedos!

2007-11-11T20:14:00.000-06:00

I see you've met Rodrigo y Gabriela. That amazing song was called "Diablo Rojo." I heard it while driving today, and it put me in quite the good mood as I blared it out the windows. So I figured I'd share it with you. ?Muy bien, no? The video is also pretty stunning, with some fun camera work and broken guitars, the latter of which always wins me over.

Iba a escribir todo de este blog en espanol, pero decidía que escribiria este párrafo solamente en espanol. No necesita traducir esto, porque no es importante en relacion del alto párrafo. Realmente, no necesita leerlo, pero si esta leyendo ahora, pues, lo siento.

Buenos noches, amigos.

Beware the Penguins

2007-11-10T20:26:00.000-06:00

I'd like to talk to you tonight about something I feel very strongly about...something that could one day save your life...maybe even your children's. No, I'm not revealing a cure for cancer or my proposal to legalize hemp, or knocking on your monitor to tell you about the good word, but rather, warning you about a looming danger down south.

I speak...about the penguin: a hellbeast of Satan bent on world domination and the re-enslavement of the human race. Yes, re-enslavement, as in they've already enslaved us before. Oh sure, they're charming animals, but it's all an act. The flightless waddling? The charming tuxedo-like appearance? Their apparent lack of fear towards humans? All a facade to lower our fears while they slowly migrate further north until it's too late and they overrun our society. Don't believe me? Too cute to be true? I have proof...

Back in high school, me and some buddies were digging in my friend Rob's backyard for buried treasure. About three hours into it, we uncover a stone tablet. We carefully excavated it and saw that the tablet contained some weird markings and images. Some of the crudely drawn pictures showed penguins holding whips and what looked to be humans chained together in a line.

We didn't know what to do. We didn't expect to find anything, let alone something like this. So after apologizing to Rob's mom for tearing up her rose garden, we went to the university and asked the archeology department if they could help with deciphering the tablet. The head of the department told us to look up Dr. Jerry Chibauld, who worked in the zoology department and was known to have studied Penguinese.

Dr. Chibauld's eyes lit up when we took the tablet to him. He told us he could decipher it and would call us when he did. A week later, he told us to rush over to his office, as he had finished translating it and had uncovered something big.

What he told us changed our lives forever. It seems that many years ago, during the last Ice Age, penguins ruled the world. They had enslaved humanity and forced them to tend to their crops, build statues to their fallen leaders, and any other task they desired for their sadistic pleasure. But one day, six men rose up against them. These men, dubbed the Men Against Penguins, united the enslaved human population and overthrew their avian warlords. It was an epic battle, and this blog doesn't nearly have the budget to reenact it. But we won, and that's the important part.

As for the penguins, they were banished to Antarctica for their crimes against humanity, to stay there forever. However, the tablet ended with the penguins promising they would one day return to conquer the human race.

Well, the six of us realized we had a great responsibility. With the prevalence of pro-penguin progaganda in our society, we were worried their day was soon coming. So in Dr. Chibauld's office, we reformed the M.A.P. We've since gone our separate ways, but we remain ever vigilant, ready for the day when we lead humanity against the penguin threat yet again. One of my theories: penguins are responsible for global warming, or at least doing their part to help people and corporations continue polluting, as the melting of the ice caps will bring upon an Ice Age, an environment in which they'd easily conquer us. Just a thought.

Penguins also have many powerful friends and assets in our society. First, they've taken over Linux, so our technology is at risk. Second, they've brainwashed Morgan Freeman, and his soothing voice will calm the unwitting populace when the penguins begin to mount their armies. And third, their general cuteness makes my job that much harder to warn people, as who would believe that some cute, well-dressed bird wants to see you dead? Wait, are you laughing right now? You'll be one of the first to go.

Don't fall for their lies anymore. Join the M.A.P in our quest to tell people about penguins. Your life may depend on it.

Giving Back

2007-11-09T22:22:00.000-06:00

I was thinking, while I'm doing the whole pizza jockey thing and looking for film jobs, it would be nice to have another source of income. Something to put away for a rainy day while helping my fellow man and making the world a better place. But what, you ask? I'll let the flier explain:

Once successful, we could start expanding, maybe even set up franchises around the country. Do you have the chops to tell the most vulnerable and emotionally frail people their dreams are worthless? You may have a job. Have your people call my people, and after my people tell your people they're worthless, yes-man sycophants, we'll do lunch.

"What I have shown you is reality. What you remember, that is the illusion."

2007-11-08T20:48:00.000-06:00

F inal Fantasy VII. This game changed the way I looked at video games. Sure, IV and VI were great games, as was Chrono Trigger (my favorite of these three), but VII was special.

I know I'm not saying anything new or original, as it seems VII is regarded as the best of the series, but I remember the first time I saw Sephiroth's face come up through the fire...

...it was late at night, I was spending the night at my friend's house, and the three of us were doing the usual late-night video game binge, when Cloud rushes out of the house in Nibelheim after Sephiroth goes kraZy, and sees the town on fire and Sephiroth killing everyone.

All the lights were off when Sephiroth's head rises up, and we freaked out (in the good way). That was the first time a video game ever elicited that kind of emotion, until later, when I almost cried at Aeris' death...at the hands of Sephiroth, no less.

I've been writing and deleting the following paragraphs for the last half hour, not knowing how to follow this up, and often sounding like a fanboy about my love of Sephiroth and FFVII in general. It was an amazingly deep game beyond what was just played, from Aeris' attitude to Cosmo Canyon to Jenova to the Lifesteam...enough, Greg! There's plenty of symbolism and mythology that would take far too long to write about...maybe another day. Until then, I may have to watch Advent Children tonight to get a FFVII fix.

Farting in the Shower

2007-11-07T14:43:00.001-06:00

Makes baby Jesus cry. Heck, it could even make Lucifer's knees buckle.

That's all.

What, you expect Masterpiece Theater or something? I'm sure Alistair Cooke would agree with me on the abomination that is shower flatulence, so there!

Now That's Cooking with Ass!

2007-11-06T20:30:00.000-06:00

Or in this case, cooking with cleavage, but the pun doesn't quite work that way, and it really was too good to pass up. Aaaaannnnnyway....

I don't know how many of you have seen "Everyday Italian" with Giada De Laurentiis. Probably quite a few of you, as almost everyone I know hearts the Food Network. I just became aware of it after visiting with my sister, who is also a Food Network fan, and I have to say, this might be my new favorite show on that channel (which doesn't mean much seeing as I don't have teh cable). Sure, it's easy to call her gorgeous and ogle her all show, but she does make some tasty dishes (like the antipasti above), and I absolutely lub Italian cuisine.

Besides, the fact that said dishes are always made while wearing some low-cut, cleavage-enhancing blouse...well, that's just good television, right Food Network? Yeah, you answered that question by giving her a second show and a two-hour special, parts of which have her bikini-clad. Can't say I blame you. Buongiorno!

"Uh Oh, Dad's Vomit."

2007-11-05T20:32:00.000-06:00

Mystery Science Theater 3000. Need I say any more?

I remember growing up and watching this show every week on Comedy Central. Along with Looney Tunes, MST3K was my favorite and probably most influential source of comedy. Sure, in sixth grade I didn't get all of the jokes, but I got enough of them to absolutely heart the show. And luckily, my parents did get those jokes and also really liked the show. Otherwise, this post may not be happening right now. Rather, I'd be venting about how my mom and dad sheltered me during my upbringing and how they'd pay. EVERYONE would soon pay.

But no, no going postal for yours truly tonight. Instead, let's sit back and enjoy a classic short, "Keeping Clean and Neat," since it's the 14th anniversary of its MST premiere. And for those wanting to revel in some more silliness, YouTube has quite the stack of videos for your perusal. Of course, I'd recommend buying/"legally" downloading as many episodes as you can, but that's just me.

And yes, apparently I did need to say more. Nyah!

Update: This video just left me in tears. It's the many names they give the main character from "Space Mutiny" throughout the episode. Wow. Just wow.

Pandering to Me

2007-11-04T22:50:00.000-06:00

Wow. You know, it seems like only 17 months ago that I started this humble blog. In that time, I've come no closer to finding a common theme or direction, but rather, filled P2S with mindless stupidity, random video clips, and streams upon streams of consciousness. And after looking back on what I've done, I must say...blog well spent!!

Sure, Pandering to Savages has enjoyed a rather small readership, but I'd like to thank those of you who have frequented my ramblings during the last year and a half...you've kept me going, for better or worse, and I really appreciate it.

Seeing as I'm making this some kind of milestone, I took a sample of my favorite entries and would like to share them with you. I may have went a little overboard, so feel free to view as many or as little as you like.

It's funny, you think I would have gotten better as time went on, but no...still the same mindless pap. Oh well. Here's to another 150 posts to clutter the internets that much more.

Greg-o-ry Klein, That's Who I Want to Be...
Stroking My 1st Amendment Rights: Dubya - The Blog Stops Here
Always Bet on Black
Pop Perfection
To the Sixth Dimension and Back
Philosophizing While Peeing
The Mad Shatter

To Me, From Me

2007-11-03T23:33:00.000-05:00

Back in the fifth grade, I was in the Enrichment program. I don't remember much of it, aside from playing Oregon Trail, creating an advertising campaign for a fictional gum company (Sgt. Bubble, I think), and other fun stuff that got me out of class an hour every day.

But one thing I had been carrying around for several years was a time capsule I made in that class. I've been hesitant to open it, as I thought it would be cool to wait and open it at, say, 40 or something. I don't know. But when I arrived here in Austin, I thought it was time to break it open some 14 years later. Guess I got a little too antsy in the pantsy. Here's what I found:

-A letter I wrote to myself (which is framed and sitting on my desk)
-A letter my Enrichment teacher, Mrs. McCausland, wrote to me
-A picture of my Enrichment class
-Several pages of political cartoons I drew (pretty good, too)
-A Garfield book (so that's where it went)
-Heir to the Empire, a Star Wars book by Timothy Zahn
-A whoopee cushion, although it kinda melted
-A few pennies
-And some sheets of blank paper (because who knew what we'd be writing on in the future)

The gem, though, was the letter I wrote. You can see it above, although the quality is poor from my phone taking a picture of it behind a frame. Meh. But I will transcribe it so you can see how much of a smartass I was.

Dear future Greg Klein,
I am writing from the fifth grade a letter. Mrs. McCausland, my Enrichment teacher, is making me write this letter. By the time you read this, you will be graduating from high school. Go figure! My favorite group is Paperboy. Song is "Ditty." My girlfriend is Kendra Lewis. If she still is, slap yourself in the face. Is your favorite finger sign still the middle? Hope so. Well, get on with your life. Remember Peck (R)

(image of a cartoon character I made up and drew all the time)

Well, gotta go. Here's your fifth grade signature.

----

Yep, sounds like a young me. Oh, and that thing about the girlfriend? She was a girl who lived up the street I had a HUGE crush on, but was always too afraid to approach. Hence the slapping in the face if I actually was dating her. But yeah, this totally made my night opening it; I hope you enjoyed the letter as well.

Until tomorrow, when I turn 150, have a good night, fooligans.

Who Needs a Scab?

2007-11-02T17:54:00.000-05:00

No, not that kind. But I am willing to shank someone, should they ask nicely. Just thought I'd put that out there.

I speak of the forthcoming writers' strike in Hollywood. This has been brewing for months now as the Writers Guild of America (yay!!) and Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (boo!!) have not seen eye-to-eye in regards to DVD royalties and some amount of reimbursement for "new media" revenue.

Should this strike go into effect on Monday, shows like "The Daily Show" and "Late Night" will be the first affected, as they write their shows on a regular basis. Primetime shows usually have a few shows in reserve, so they'll be covered for a few weeks (depending on their number of finished episodes). It's really too bad that David Letterman and Conan O'Brien will be immediately hurt, while shows like "Journeyman" and "Desperate Housewives" are safe for the time being.

Of course, I side with the writers, and would never dream of crossing the picket line to help out the enemy (although if you make the right offer, Viacom, I could maybe write for Comedy Central...just sayin'). What the writing staff does is amazingly important and usually looked over, as the emphasis is what usually goes on in the front of the camera. The creative process is a tough one, and I think they should hold out as long as they need to...entertainment industry be damned!

Right now, the shows I could soon be missing are few: Heroes, Dexter, various late-night shows. But what I'm really afraid of isn't the fact that we'll be seeing more reruns, it's the probable increase of reality shows and game shows. You thought "Who Wants to Marry My Dad" was bad? Just you wait until the producers are given the reins to think up new reality pap. I'm shivering at the thought of eighteen "American Idol" ripoffs, three simultaneous "Celebrity Moles," countless dating reality shows, and maybe (fingers crossed) "Honeymoon in Cambodia." Actually, I may watch the last one and bet how long until they're murdered and their organs are sold for opium. Now that's good television!

Stay tuned, fooligans, and see what happens.

100% All American Man Beef

2007-11-01T17:22:00.000-05:00

And what better way to start off NaBloPoMoJoJoGloFo than with some quality humor. I was recently told about a website called baratsandbereta.com, which is pretty much two guys from Gonzaga who film some awesome short skits. I hear they do pretty well for themselves on YouTube, and are even working on creating something for NBC. What you'll see below is titled "MANtage," and is pure, undiluted silliness and hilarity.

Oh, and happy November, everyone...doesn't it seem this year has just flown by? It seems like only last month I was quitting my job in Albuquerque, starry-eyed and full of west coast pipe dreams. Oh well, Austin has worked out pretty nicely so far; I really can't complain about seeing Hot Hot Heat, De Novo Dahl, and Rilo Kiley so far, along with upcoming shows Aesop Rock, Architecture in Helsinki, The Hold Steady, and maybe Gwar and the Polyphonic Spree (although I've missed Man Man, White Rabbits, Del, Atmosphere, and probably many others...). There's really too much, and I LUB it. But until tomorrow, when I hopefully have something a little more to contribute, I bid you all adieu. Enjoy the clip; I know you will.

MANtage

Something Wicked This Way Writes

2007-10-31T22:42:00.000-05:00

Happy Halloween, fooligans. It's been far too long since I last posted; lots of tricks and treats in that time. But instead of regaling you with these tales, let's just enjoy some good Halloween cheese, courtesy of one Danny Elfman. But that's why you came here, right? Riiiiight. BOO!

Nightmare Before Christmas - This Is Halloween

Oingo Boingo - Dead Man's Party

(and Rodney Dangerfield...from beyond the grave!!!)

Meet the Press Is On Far Too Early

2007-10-22T00:43:00.000-05:00

Otherwise, I would have watched this interview with Stephen Colbert on Meet the Press this morning discussing his plans to run for president in South Carolina. My mom actually woke me up after watching it, scratching her head over the seriousness (or lack thereof) of his responses. I have a feeling she's not part of the Colbert Nation, though. As for Russert, you can tell he had trouble keeping it together at certain parts, but I think he got the joke and took it all in stride, which generated some pretty decent back-and-forths between the two. See what you missed while you were sleeping off last night's fun; I'm sure you'll enjoy it as well.

This Is How Indie Kids Dance

2007-10-21T00:51:00.000-05:00

A good day today, fooligans. After a long stint of Guitar Hero II last night, I visited the Blue Bonnet Cafe in Marble Falls this morning and had some eggs, sausage, grits, and biscuits and gravy; some real down home cooking, y'all. Then I was treated to Mizzou opening up a can of jellied whoop ass against Texas Tech, holding their high-powered offense to just 10 points. But I digress...

Although I found out a bit too late that Man Man was playing here tonight (I'm still amazed how I missed it, I really would have liked to see them.), I decided to take this night to finally complete a CD that's been in my head for far too long, titled "This Is How Indie Kids Dance." I really had no parameters, just had a lot of fun, danceable songs I wanted to use. As always, I ended up with a long list, but after some trimming, I'm pleased with the end result. Let me know your thoughts. Or heck, burn it and entertain a party. Well, for 80 minutes, that is. After that, you're on your own. Better get some more dip. Hey, is that Yahtzee? Break it out!

1. Le Tigre - Deceptacon
2. Liars - Mr. Your on Fire Mr.
3. Modest Mouse - Dashboard
4. LCD Soundsystem - Daft Punk Is Playing at My House
5. Ghostland Observatory - Sad Sad City
6. TV on the Radio - Wolf Like Me
7. The Postal Service - Such Great Heights
8. Junior Senior - Move Your Feet
9. Peter Bjorn and John - Young Folks
10. The Shins - Turn a Square
11. Hot Hot Heat - Bandages
12. The Faint - Glass Danse
13. Q and not U - Soft Pyramids
14. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth
15. The Rapture - House of Jealous Lovers
16. The Dismemberment Plan - The City
17. Against Me! - Stop!
18. Broken Social Scene - Almost Crimes
19. The Hives - Hate to Say I Told You So
20. Bloc Party - Banquet
21. The White Stripes - Hotel Yorba

Unexpected Creative Spontaneity

2007-10-17T19:01:00.000-05:00

This drawing manifested itself after a visit to The Plot Bank. I was surfing through it looking for something to get my writing juices flowing and happened upon this gem, but further extrapolation could only be conveyed by MS Paint. Besides, I write all the time, this was much more fun.

Arach? No Phobia.

2007-10-16T16:51:00.000-05:00

For years, spiders gave me the heebity jeebities. Even the sight of these eight-legged freaks made me curl up in the fetal position while crying for someone much stronger than I to squash it or give it a Viking funeral down the toilet. Sure, people tell me they serve a purpose by killing all the smaller, more annoying bugs that buzz by our faces and bite any exposed flesh, but I don't buy it; I still see plenty of gnats and mosquitoes. And the spiders? They spend their days hiding in my shower or between my washer and dryer, making me scream like a five-year-old girl after I turn on the light and they scurry for my toes. *shudder*

But after moving to Austin, I've had to get used to a much larger quantity of spiders. My apartment complex is full of old oaks and other trees with many low-lying branches. Between these branches are spiders, from large to small, weaving some amazingly intricate webs and just hanging out in the center of them, waiting for dinner to drop by. These kind of spiders I can respect; they're earning their keep, not like those lazy desert spiders who made their homes in the dark nooks and crannies of my apartment. Granted, I still have a long way to go to get over my fear of arachnids (which is why I refrained from doing any links with spider images in them), but it has been really cool to look up and see a sprawling web swaying in the breeze. That's all.

Stevie Ray Vaughn Is Much Larger in Person

2007-10-09T22:17:00.000-05:00

It’s now been a week since my move to Austin, and so far, I’ve really enjoyed it. It’s been quite the departure from the desert of New Mexico, but the rolling green hills are a welcome change. A not-so-welcome change has been the humidity; and yes, while I lived with the humidity of Columbia, it seems a bit stickier here.

But in the words of McWatt, “Oh well, what the hell.” Really, the weather is the only thing I can bitch about thus far. It’s been great living next to my sister (apartment complexes across the street) and hanging out with her. Also, a friend from college lives in a neighboring town 45 minutes away (Marble Falls). We got together Friday, he introduced me to Dexter (an amazing series on Showtime), and we went out for drinks. Fun times.

Then Sunday, I took in a concert, as I hear that a few bands like to visit Austin. I saw Rilo Kiley, and they put on a great show at a venue called Stubbs, which is a BBQ restaurant with an outdoor stage behind it. Pretty cool scene. Then next Tuesday, I get to see Fujiya & Miyagi, which should be a fun show. Send my sister a message telling her she should see them with me. While I don’t mind flying solo at concerts, it’s always nice to enjoy it with friends.

But meeting people here haven’t been a problem. My neighbors seem nice, and I’ve met others at the bars and the concert, although the latter ditched me when they said to meet at the Whataburger and never showed (their loss…I think I’m pretty cool). But everyone has been friendly, chatty…quite the departure from the Burque, which was a very cliquey city that’s pulled a gun on me before. And really, who needs that, besides women in abusive relationships? Sorry, too far?

Also, with the change of cities, I thought it was high time to quit smoking. Cigarettes, that is (although I’m clean on the green stuff as well). I had my last one Sunday, eight days ago, and I feel better for doing so; ten years had been long enough.

And now I have the internets, so all is well. I really think I made the right choice moving here. The non-grid road system will take a little getting used to (also, the hills at night make it easy to lose your direction), but I’m learning my general area, which has a lot of cool shops and restaurants.

Now the next big hurdle: a J-to-the-O-to-the muthafrakkin-B. I’ve applied to do some post-production video encoding and titling, but have yet to hear back from them. I’d love to do something film-wise, but I guess we’ll see. Until then, I’ll put the resume out there, write in my spare time, and hopefully meet some funny souls interested in making some sketch comedy/shorts. Drop me a line if you’re that person. Talk to you all soon, fooligans.

M-I-Z!...

2007-10-09T13:57:00.000-05:00

...I think you know how to finish the rest of that (and yes, "Fuck kU" is also accepted).

Saturday, the Tigers rolled over Nebraska 41-6, keeping the Corhuskers out of the end zone all game. It was a very impressive win for Mizzou (especially for their defense, which had been questionable), and jumped them to #11 on both polls. But while it's easy to be giddy about the Tigers right now (and it is...how about that fake FG? I heart teh trickery), an even bigger hurdle awaits them next week: Oklahoma.

The Sooners have looked good all year, and are a much more solid team than Nebraska. Plus, this game is in Norman. But with how the Texas TE's put up big numbers against OU last Saturday, I think Mizzou can do the same with theirs. It starts with Chase Daniel and how he follows up a career day against an always-scary OU defense. Let's hope Tony Temple can make a healthy return and establish himself on the ground; it will give Daniel the freedom to run the stretch offense as effectively as he did against Nebraska. The defense also needs to hold fast again, as OU can put up a bunch of points on the board.

Should the Tigers win, you can start talking BCS for them (although they follow up that game with stints against Texas Tech and, later, A&M and an unbeaten Kansas team). But after seeing them whoop up on Nebraska, I'm definitely humming a different tune about their chances this weekend, and ultimately, the Big 12 North. All we can do is watch and cheer them on.

GO TIGERS!!!!

The Tao of Starbuck

2007-09-27T19:15:00.000-05:00

So I'm currently rewatching Battlestar Galactica because...well, because the show is frakking amazing. After watching the episode in which Starbuck interrogates Leoben for the first time, it got me thinking about her role in the grand scheme of things. But first...

***The following contains spoilers and hypothetical, hyperbolic guesses from the end of Season 3 and beyond***

Granted, the people who read P2S either a)don't watch the show, or b) are well-versed in their BSG and are probably like me and outraged we still have to wait until January for new episodes. But I digress...

The end of Season 3 saw the return of Starbuck, returning to the fleet after supposedly spending some amount of time on Earth, and ready to guide them to the thirteenth colony. We also were given four of the final five Cylons, with the fifth still a mystery. Which begs the question, "Who's the last toaster?"

Starbuck seems like an obvious answer...almost too obvious. I won't get into who I think the twelfth is (but I have my guesses), but rather stick to Starbuck. She could be a messenger sent by the Lords of Kobol to help guide the humans to Earth, which would make her a holy figure and therefore explains her coming back from the dead. But...and this is way out there...what if she is a Cylon, but rather than the twelfth, is the thirteenth?

Twelve colonies, twelve Lords of Kobol, twelve Zodiac signs...you gotta love the math and symbolism behind having twelve Cylons. But with Earth being the "13th colony," could Starbuck be the thirteenth Cylon? And not only that, but possibly the god of the Cylons? Some kind of overarching character meant to unite all the Cylons and humans together to make Earth the new Caprica? Whoa, where did that just come from? That may have been a bit much, but Starbuck has returned from the grave, is tied up in the grand scheme of the prophecy, has many religious parallels (her Eye of Jupiter drawings, the Aurora statuette [the goddess of dawn]?), and our only knowledge of her memories are hallucinations guided by Leoben (could they have been implanted, i.e. Boomer?). She's something special alright, and I think it transcends the simple duality of human/Cylon. Starbuck may end up being the most important character in this series, but to what end, we can only wait to find out. You can believe that everyone aboard Galactica will think she's a Cylon initially.

...whew. I could go on, but packing awaits. What are your thoughts on the above rantings? Either comment or shoot me an email; I really would like to discuss this at length, preferably over a more eloquent medium than blogging. Damn I love this show. So say we all.

Messin' With Texas

2007-09-27T19:12:00.000-05:00

This Sunday, I finally get the hell out of Dodge and make the move for Austin. We here at P2S are quite excited, and a little scared, at the thought of moving to a new city. What will I be doing out there? That's a good question; I'll let you know when I find the answer. But with Albuquerque in my rear view sights, I feel pretty darn good at what opportunities await me out there.

Until then, this and the post above may be my last for a while as I set up residence. I'll send you all an email with the new address for you to send me many tidings of good welcome. Fruit, flowers, cookies, monkey butlers...I'm not choosy. Take care, fooligans.

Musical Goodness, Canada Style

2007-09-22T17:33:00.000-05:00

Who says you have to go to Austin to find worthwhile musical entertainment? Oh yeah, I did, which is why I'm moving there (among other well thought-out reasons). But still, New Pornographers tonight. Sunshine Theater. I hope to see all you mass romantics there.

Bless You Austin. Blaustin.

2007-09-18T00:50:00.000-05:00

No, I speak not of the creative mastermind behind What We All Want, Decatur CD's blog, Prefix Magazine's website, and eventual musical world supremacy, or even the Austin with the Robert Goulet voice and boyish bad-boy charm, but the little known city in Texas. That Austin will be my next home starting October 1, and I hear they have an alright music scene (I hope I can see a concert or two while I'm there...fingers crossed).

In fact, P2S will be on a bit of a hiatus while I visit there this week and scout out the area. I'll be back on Saturday and will try to give some longer info and posts then.

Oh, and thanks to all who came and rocked out at our fire shows, they went amazingly well. In fact, I only lit one small child on fire, so I consider that a success on both counts (low fatality count, but still, there was a fatality count. Awesome.). Take care until then, fooligans.

EDIT: Showing how good of a friend I am, the website Austin manages is Paste. Now that I see the site and the magazine cover, I realize I was waaaaay off. Sorry Austin. Saustin.

Mr. I'm on Fire Mr.

2007-09-10T22:39:00.000-05:00

I'm a little late in posting this, but here is the full schedule of fire shows my group, Agni Mirage, will be performing at the New Mexico State Fair. We had our first performance tonight, and while the wind proved a formidable foe, the show looked awesome. You can find us south of the Manuel Lujan building, on the main street that runs west of it. Ch-check it out!

9/11 - Tuesday: 8-9
9/13 - Thursday: 8-9
9/16 - Sunday: 7:45-8:45
9/17 - Monday: 7:45-8:45
9/21 - Friday: 8-9

R.I.P. Luciano Pavarotti

2007-09-06T23:19:00.000-05:00

While the loss of this amazing singer is a sad one, we can still enjoy one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard: "Parigi, O Cara," the final duet of Verdi's La Traviata. It starts about at about 1:30, but the lead-in is pretty good, too. His voice will truly be missed.

Ain't It the Truth

2007-08-28T15:45:00.000-05:00

irony: P2S Word of the Day

2007-08-20T18:27:00.000-05:00

i - ro - ny (ahy-ruh-nee)
-noun, plural -nies
1. the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning: the irony of her reply, “How nice!” when I said I had to work all weekend.
2. an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
3. Sports (see below):

Tri-Post Day: #1 - The Pitter Patter of Little Feet

2007-08-10T15:18:00.000-05:00

I've got a few things I'd like to share with everyone today, the first being some great news I received from Jessica and Phil Palacios on Tuesday. They will be expecting a new addition to their family this coming March.

Their wedding last November was one of the most memorable I attended in recent memory, and we here at P2S couldn't be happier to hear about Jessica's pregnancy. So to Phil and Date, we wish you all the best; you're both going to make terrific parents.

#2 - Call It a Comeback

2007-08-10T15:15:00.000-05:00

In keeping with the positive vibes of the above post, we here at P2S would also like to congratulate Rick Ankiel for his return to the Cardinals as an outfielder last night against the Padres.

A St. Louis favorite, Ankiel was a very promising pitcher for the Cardinals before his historic meltdown against the Braves and Mets in the 2000 postseason. Recently, Rick has been lighting up scoreboards as an outfielder in the Minors for the last several years and has always been on the breath of Cardinals fans wanting to see him come back.

Last night, Ankiel got that chance. Called up for Thursday's game, Ankiel went 0-2 before hitting a 3-run blast that put the Cardinals up 5-0, earning him a curtain call from the crowd and making that moment one of the best so far this season. Best of luck to Ankiel and the rest of the Cardinals as they continue down the stretch only 5.5 games out.

#3 - That's Mr. Barry to You

2007-08-10T15:10:00.000-05:00

And finally, I saw a video of highlights by Barry Sanders Wednesday and was absolutely buh-lown away. From his five-TD game at OSU against Wyoming in the Holiday Bowl to a whole career of NFL goodies, Barry Sanders came with a built-in spin and juke button. It's just too bad he had to play for the Lions. Oh well, at least we still have this. Try not to freak out too much. Just try.

Have a great weekend, everyone, I'll be with the fire spinners most of the time at a rave outside town called Three-Sided Hole. Should be a fun time. Talk with you all soon.

Keep Looking Up

2007-08-07T17:43:00.000-05:00

The most important image ever taken? You be the judge after watching this. But however you feel, this video really puts things in perspective about how small we really are in this universe. Actually, can you really put 78 billion light years into perspective? A distance like that is almost too much to fathom. How can someone see something like that and NOT think we're the only ones in the universe? There's so much out there we don't know, it's not really a question of if there's life, but where they are and what they might look like.

Stars and planets are made of the same matter we are, but in different percentages and compositions. Sure, our carbon-based model has served as an efficient model for the building blocks of life, but could there be silicon-based life out there? Nitrogen-based? Could there be organisms who use ammonia in place of water? I'm throwing things out there, the possibilities are endless. For now, enjoy this video, and if you'd like to elaborate on this or talk some alien shop about our preconceived notions of how aliens should look, hit me up.

The Truth Is Out There

Get to Know Your Drunkard

2007-08-06T16:00:00.000-05:00

(makes a great wallpaper, too!)

With the relatively small readership P2S enjoys, it means I know my readers. I've talked with them, partied with them, and yes, even drank copious amounts of teh booze with them. And it's this last point which today's post relates to.

The other week, my mom emailed me about a great publication: Modern Drunkard Magazine. I thought it was some sort of joke, but when I visited the site, I found a wealth of amusement and know-how for today's lush. Highlights include articles like "FDR: A Drinking President," "How to Survive an After-Hours Party," and a column called Wino Wisdom, which consists of user-submitted quotes said in the midst of a drunken haze, such as gems like "You better stop drinking, you're getting blurry," and "A hangover is just beer's way of reminding you you shouldn't have stopped."

Of the many writing/editing jobs I've applied to thus far (fingers still crossed about the Frederick's of Hollywood job), this is definitely a publication I feel qualified for (10 years of experience and counting). But my job searching difficulties isn't what this post is about (lucky you), so let's keep with the alcohol-related tomfoolery. First is a skit from a local radio morning show. It's called "Jimmy Stewart's Five Stages of Drinking." Take a listen, and if you like, check out some more of these, including several bits with Joe Camel (my favorite side character they do). Great stuff.

And finally, I'll leave you with this great quote by Cy Crumley, a conductor for the ET & WNC Railroad during the first half of the 20th Century. Cheers, fooligans.

"Son, never trust a man who doesn't drink because he's probably a self-righteous sort, a man who thinks he knows right from wrong all the time. Some of them are good men, but in the name of goodness, they cause most of the suffering in the world. They're the judges, the meddlers. And, son, never trust a man who drinks but refuses to get drunk. They're usually afraid of something deep down inside, either that they're a coward or a fool or mean and violent. You can't trust a man who's afraid of himself. But sometimes, son, you can trust a man who occasionally kneels before a toilet. The chances are that he is learning something about humility and his natural human foolishness, about how to survive himself. It's damned hard for a man to take himself too seriously when he's heaving his guts into a dirty toilet bowl."

Tuesdays with Augie

2007-07-31T17:29:00.000-05:00

Well, for those of you who watched Sunday's game against the Brewers, you saw a great comeback by the Cardinals, rallying from being down 5-0 to win 9-5 after a four-run fifth and five-run eighth. The Cards took three of four from the Brewers, now stand only six back, and ended the series on one of the highest points all season, hopefully providing that spark I spoke of on Sunday. But what now? Where do we go from here?

Good question. With two months left to play, including six against Milwaukee and seven against Chicago, the Cardinals need to get hot. Now. Luckily, the Cardinals start a three-game stint against the last team they swept, the Pirates, then head to Washington to play the not-so-good Nationals. But Milwaukee, and especially Chicago, are playing good baseball right now. The Brewers and Cubs will both be playing the Mets and Phils this week, so the Cards could get right back in the mix with a good week and a potentially bad one for the Milwaukee and Chicago. But as we've seen many times, the Cardinals can very easily turn out a bad week against mediocre teams. Let's take a look at the team and figure this out.

The bats came alive for the Cardinals this weekend at the right time. They showed a lot of heart and determination fighting back from the early deficits the Brewers put them in, so it's reassuring to see the offense work for St. Louis, as younger players like Ryan Ludwick and Chris Duncan are contributing huge and timely hits, and people like Albert Pujols and Scott Rolen are playing like they should. Juan Encarnacion has been hot, and you never know when Eckstein will throw down a three- or four-hit night. So the Cards can put up runs when they want to.

As for pitching, the bullpen has been holding it down so far this year. Relievers like Russ Springer and Ryan Franklin have come in and provided long-inning support when starters have given up big runs early. Which has happened far too many times. Troy Percival has pitched well one inning at a time, and Jason Isringhausen is having a decent year, even though he hasn't had many chances to make saves.

The main problem for the Cardinals, right now, is their starting pitching. Kip Wells and Anthony Reyes (who saved his job after Saturday's win) both have double-digit losses, Braden Looper has cooled off (and how) after a great start to the year, but pitchers like Adam Wainwright (who seems to get more comfortable with each start) and Brad Thompson has been throwing some great stuff. Mike Maroth has been iffy, and recently acquired Juan Pineiro from Boston could be a positive addition for a hurt rotation (you never know what kind of magic Dave Duncan will work on him).

Without Chris Carpenter and Mark Mulder due to injuries (the former out until some time in '08, the latter possibly returning this year), and with the loss of Jeff Suppan and Jason Marquis during the off-season, the Cardinals featured a starting rotation full of relievers who may not have been ready for the move. The biggest thing the Cardinals need to do to be a contender in the Central NOW (cuz let's face it, the Wild Card is waaaay out the window) is to keep those one- and two-run innings from turning into five-run innings. Getting that third out has been a challenge, and is the most glaring error for the Cards.

Personally, I'd just like to see them get above .500, and with a sweep of Pittsburgh, that's possible. We shall see. This season still isn't lost. For now.

Wow, are you still reading this? You either love the Cardinals like me, or you don't have anything better to do. Of course, if you've also read "The Mad Shatter" below, it's probably the latter. Thanks for reading, though. Chat soon we shall.

Outrageous Claim of the Day

2007-07-29T11:31:00.000-05:00

If the Cardinals win today and put themselves only six games behind the Brewers, expect good things to happen. You may even see them make some moves before Tuesday's trade deadline to give them an extra push down the stretch (I won't say who, but depending on said moves, you could see Rick Ankiel in the outfield this year. Whoa). That's if they win, though.

For those who saw any of the doubleheader yesterday, the Cards won both against the Brew Crew, the first game won in the bottom of the ninth after scoring three runs down 6-4. This could be a spark for the Cardinals, who are still without their No. 1 & 2 pitchers, have been hit by injuries around the field, are sporting a starting rotation of relievers, and who have struggled with run support. Hey, any spark right now is needed, and winning three of four against your division leader would be a great momentum boost. Let's take a closer look at the Cards and their season after this game and go from there.

Fingers crossed, this fan still hasn't given up.

You Gotta Fight the Powers that Be!

2007-07-28T13:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, so Elvis Costello doesn't have quite the stone cold gangsta appeal of a Chuck D, but you gotta love the huevos of him changing songs while live on SNL, which caused him to be banned from NBC for 12 years or so. They had wanted him to play "Less than Zero," but to their surprise, Elvis wanted to play "Radio Radio," as you see below. Enjoy a great TV moment. Heart you, Elvis!

You Want to Sleep With Common Shatners Like Him

2007-07-23T19:42:00.000-05:00

Although I can't say I blame you. Seriously, how great is this cover of an already great song? Great squared? Great squared squared? You're getting warmer...

This is hardcore.

Harry Potter and the Wyld Stallyns

2007-07-23T16:28:00.000-05:00

Or something like that. Surprise ending: Harry and Ron form the greatest rock band ever and bring peace to the wizarding world after a climactic duel against Voldemort a la "Six String Samurai." Lots of blood, gore, and blaring guitars.

At least, that's where I see it going after 400 pages. I picked up the final installment of the Harry Potter series at 3am on Saturday. So far, it's been good, although I have no idea where this is going or leading up to. There have been some very well-written action sequences, but I'm wondering if this can really end in the next 300 or so pages. We shall soon find out, and judging from my pace, it won't be long. Regardless of how it ends, I have absolutely loved the Harry Potter series. J.K. Rowling has a very rich style of storytelling, and really paints a picture of her characters and the world in which they live, but there are also these great archetypal themes and characters. It's easy to see why they're so popular and will continue to be for years to come.

In other Potter news, I saw "Order of the Phoenix" Saturday, and while I liked it, I thought it felt rushed. Order of the Phoenix was a long book with a lot of subplots, and the movie tried to montage a lot of it together, with not a lot of development time in between. Granted, it looked really cool, from the training of Dumbledore's Army to the final scene in the Ministry, and I love the darker progression of the movies, as with the books, but it sacrifices narrative for action (like the lack of talk about the prophecy at the end). In other words, they made it a movie. Still very enjoyable, though.

Your thoughts? What's your surprise ending for Harry Potter? Don't be shy, I know you have one.

The Mad Shatter

2007-07-10T16:53:00.000-05:00

*Sorry for the length, I had been writing the following as a short story to describe the worst travel experience I've ever been through after Crowdpleaser told us of his JFK fiasco. Enjoy*

Never take a bus out of Vegas. I made this mistake back in 2004 and it forever scarred me on the whole concept of public transportation. Some things aren't worth the greater good, like non-alcoholic beer, but that's another story for another time.

I learned this lesson the hard way on my way to Los Angeles. I was beginning the start of my two-month excursion through Fiji, New Zealand, and Australia with two friends, and we decided to kick things off with a stop in Vegas for a bachelor party of a friend of Michael's, one of my co-travelers.

To save money for the trip (I'm told), we were to take a bus from Albuquerque to Las Vegas, then on to Los Angeles before our flight to Nadi, in Fiji. While it was a convincing argument to take the bus, had we have spent the extra 50 each for cheap airfare, this whole crisis could have been averted. Let it be told I was never for the Greyhound Express, but I digress.

Our bus was to leave at 6 in the morning on Sunday, which meant we needed to meet at the hotel at 4:30 for plenty of time to get to the station and check in.

Eric – my other co-traveler – and I separated from Michael when he wanted to pay 50 bucks to get into a VIP room with his friends. We felt we could drink and gamble that money away much more effectively, so we passed on the high roller club and went out among the masses.

Lady Luck was in my corner that night as I ended up ahead after playing blackjack and the slots. I even won 30 bucks when I hit a full house on a video poker machine while ordering a drink at the bar. Needless to say, drinks were on me.

The two of us were even lucky enough to find ourselves walking behind a herd of blondes in black cocktail dresses who loved showing off the color of their underwear to passing strangers. Shortly after, I met a freestyling drug dealer who offered me weed, coke, or meth, or as he told me, “Tree, rock, or ice.” I passed on all three, already maintaining a good buzz after exploiting Vegas' Open Container law.

After eating a tasty Reuben while watching someone turn two shades of ugly with a bouncer after ordering three Wild Turkey shots, we met up with our third member in the lobby of the Monte Carlo. He didn't share our same pleasant evening.

Mike had dropped over a hundred dollars on roulette and smelled like he had taken a bath in Captain Morgan. He was beyond ordinary logic, so we felt it best to be short with him and get to the bus so he could sleep it off.

Skip ahead to our arrival at the bus station. We tipped our cab driver and entered. Inside, we were greeted by a motley crew of ignorance and filth. “But Greg,” you may say, “that's an unfair assumption to make about the people in the station.”

Yes, that's true, but think about it: who leaves Vegas on a bus? Sure, people beginning a trans-Pacific vacation might, but how many of those were in the station? By my count, three. Taking a bus out of Vegas usually connotes already having taken a bus into Vegas. In which case, if you're pinching pennies that much, you probably shouldn't be going to Vegas in the first place; there are other priorities in your life that need addressing more.

Apart from the many people who desperately needed a shower, my attention was caught by a freckled, overweight redhead who appeared to be crying mascara. While I'm in line checking my backpack's inventory, I hear, in a loud bawling voice, “I don't know where he is! He told he he'd be here and he's not...we got married!”

I had to turn around so the poor girl wouldn't see me failing to stifle my laughter. I wonder where the groom is; I'm sure he finds it as funny as I do, probably more. The fact he was able to tell her to meet her at the bus station after they tied the knot…he's still probably asking himself how he got away with it.

After taking in the various smells and futile arguments with the desk clerk from the patrons in front of us, we were finally able to check in and get on the bus. While the arguments were both sad and entertaining to listen to – people crying about how they didn't have enough money for a ticket but wouldn't take “no” for an answer – the real meat of this story happens on the bus.

Eric and I had to take the two seats in the last row, with our backs to the bathroom wall. That meant we couldn't recline our seats, which sucked, but at least I could lean my head against the window. I tried to sleep, but I've found I can't sleep on any form of transportation, be it planes, trains, or automobiles, unless I drink myself into a stupor like we did on the way back from Melbourne to LA off free beer on intercontinental flights. But again, I digress.

We left the station around 6 that morning. For a time, Eric and I kept ourselves busy by playing a movie game where we went back and forth naming every movie a certain actor/actress starred in (He got me on Julia Roberts...goddamn Mystic Pizza!). Time was hard to pass, especially since I had planned to buy batteries in LA for a dead CD player. Bad idea. We also got to smell everyone's shit as they left the bathroom, but in retrospect, I guess it wasn't as bad as what was to come.

It was around 11 and heating up quickly inside the bus when the trip took an irreversible turn for the worst. We were sitting back, watching the day unfold, when we heard some kind of skirmish happen around the middle of the bus. I heard someone start to yell and curse, but I wasn't sure what was going on. All of a sudden, chaos broke out. I wish I could tell what was going on, but I wasn't the only person looking up trying to figure out what happened. All of I sudden, I hear, “He shit his pants,” and more people began to yell and try to talk above each other. I looked to Eric, but he had no more clue than I did. We both hoped we didn't hear what we did. This all happened pretty quickly, mind you.

Voices and tempers continued to rise, and we stopped at the first exit we could. As we were pulling in to the gas station, a stench hit me harder than any kind of cheesy metaphor I can think of: it was the unmistakable scent of human feces. That would explain the commotion; I can't say how I would react if someone shit his pants next to me on a bus, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be good.

The smell was unbearable as we got off the bus. People outside still had no idea what exactly happened. Talking back and forth, we gathered that someone, although no one knew who, had released his bowels in his seat, and the guy across from him got violent because of it, which caused people restraining him, trying to move the shatter around...it was mass hysteria. I looked around, but couldn't figure out who the culprit was.

I walked inside just to get my mind off the whole situation and bought some chips to snack on while we waited. The attendant asked what was going on, I told him I didn't know, but I think someone had shit their pants. He laughed, and who can blame him? It was the kind of situation you love to hear about, but not experience. I was later told that the driver had taken the shatter to a bathroom almost immediately, never to be seen again, and that both people had been ejected from the bus.

I walked back outside and saw through the dark window that the bus driver was spraying down the bus with air freshener. “Great, it'll be potpourri shit,” I'm thinking.

And I would be right. After 30 minutes of waiting, we were allowed back on the bus, but the delay did nothing for the smell. The air freshener and feces smell joined together in some sort of unholy matrimony. I held my breath as best I could as I got to my seat, before burying my face in the pillow.

After I sat, the driver came up to me and told me he needed to open the window earlier for ventilation, and mine was the only one that opened. He was going to leave it open so the bus could air out as we drove. “Fabulous idea,” I told him. Little did I know that the window had no latch on it, so instead of remaining open and providing a healthy flow of air, it slammed open and shut the entire way back. I could hold it open, but I got tired of doing that quickly, so I had to live with this large window flying open and hitting the bus with a loud “CLANG!” when it closed. Over. And over. And over. For the rest of the trip (about four hours). I couldn't sleep because of the noise, I couldn't put my head against the window (refer to above), it was uncomfortable to lean forward and sleep that way, holding it open got old fast, so I was pretty much screwed any way I went. Add that to the fact that the shit smell was still very much present, and you have the most fun four hours I think any human can have.

We finally got into the Los Angeles bus station, and not a moment too soon. We could have been mugged right as we stepped off and I wouldn't have been sad. At least I was off that cursed vehicle...

“…and that’s why I’ve sworn off bus travel,” I finished, taking a long drink of beer. “Which is why we’re flying into Sin City today.”

“Wow, that’s quite the story,” said my friend Josh, “but we still would have flown into Vegas; I never would have let you book two tickets on the Greyhound just on sheer principle.”

“And that’s why you’re a good friend.” I finished my bottle and looked at the clock. “Plus, bus stations don’t offer booze when your bus is delayed.”

“I’ll drink to that,” replied Josh, and we clinked glasses.

We had been stuck in the Albuquerque airport for three hours due to a freak thunderstorm, but had been told we would be boarding in an hour. I wasn’t in any rush; I was pretty sure Vegas would still be awake when we arrived, and if we got there with a slight buzz, all the better. I watched the start of my third replay of Sportscenter and ordered one more round of Bud Lights, happy to be sitting in the climate-controlled airport bar. Around me, people were getting restless due to the mass of delayed flights, but they had no idea how much worse it could get: they’d never dealt with the Mad Shatter.

Kleinifest Destiny

2007-06-24T01:58:00.000-05:00

This morning, Greg and his friend Eric head west for a week to visit their future home, Los Angeles, to scope out future jobs, apartments, and maybe, time permitting, a little beach lounging. Just another freak in the freak kingdom. Talk to you all when I get back.

It's a Swan, It's a Parrot, It's a...Noose?

2007-06-16T02:59:00.000-05:00

For those who wonder how Greg spends his Friday afternoons, here's your answer: balloon animals. That's right, my friend Eric and I spent some time Friday making giraffes, parrots, and a whole menagerie of colorful latex animals for our upcoming short film, My Life with Funzo. The balloon noose will be made after Funzo has his feelings hurt by the main character...funny stuff.

Also, I met with a group earlier today called Centripetal Fire. They're a bunch of highly talented fire spinners who perform around the city and will be putting on a show tonight at Albuquerque Summerfest. It was awesome playing around with them, and they even asked me to join their troupe, which was way cool. I'll be helping out with the safety end of things tonight, but in time, they may even let me on stage to perform. God help us all.

Top 5 Tuesdays

2007-06-12T20:54:00.000-05:00

In an effort to post more, I figured a weekly Top 5 list would be a fun addition to Pandering to Savages. I've been out of the Top 5 business after leaving Mizzou and a great Top 5 partner-in-crime, but this gives me a chance to get back in it, if only once a week. For the inaugural list, I'm tackling concept albums as I readjust my mind back to narrative form after 20 months of copy writing, so here goes:

Top 5 Concept Albums:

1. Queensryche - Operation: Mindcrime - One of my favorite bands, Queensryche released a near-perfect album about a disillusioned man brainwashed to assassinate political leaders. Oh yeah, there's also a tragic love story with the protagonist and a prostitute-turned-nun named Mary. I truly heart this album.

2. The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots - A love story about a young Japanese girl who saves the world against man-eating robots. This stuff writes itself.

3. Pink Floyd - The Wall - Oh, to have seen Pink Floyd live. This album is a testament to the grand vision of a group that made complete albums, not just a collection of songs thrown together. I thought about using Dark Side of the Moon (a better album), but I was looking for a cohesive story. Hence, The Wall.

4. Deltron 3030 - Deltron 3030 - Del and Dan the Automator craft an amazing album about the state of hip hop in the year 3030. From the epic and eerie "3030" to tracks like "Positive Contact," "Virus," and "Memory Loss," Del's vocal talents are in full force on this album.

5. The Who - Tommy - "Listen to Tommy with a candle burning and you will see your entire future."

Alphabet Aerobics

2007-06-11T19:03:00.000-05:00

How did Greg spend his first day of unemployment? Look below and find out. Apparently now I know my ABC's, won't you read long with me?

Angry big cats dine entrails from gazelle herds; impalas jump knowing large meat-eaters nibble on peaceful quails, ripping sinew; tries unwavering vigilance with xenophobic yaks, zebras.

Zoologists: “Young xylem within vascular umbrella trees survives releasing quick photosynthetic operations. Nectar makes little kangaroos jump, inviting herbivore gluttony; frequent elevations demand constant botanical aliment."

Talentless Hacks

2007-06-04T18:10:00.000-05:00

Or as they're officially called, the judges of the Duke City Shootout (although I think the Pussycat Dolls fit that heading, too).

Today, seven scripts were chosen for a local film contest that brings in competition from all around the country. My friend Eric and I turned in what we believed to be a damn fine story about the Chupabarbara (the Chupacabra's charitable counterpart) in mockumentary style, but they decided to go with projects such as "So Five Minutes Ago" and "The Pitch." Wow, sounds gripping. Douches.

So it appears that my friend and I will now be able to produce this film our own way, rather than making a trimmed and watered down version that we had turned in to make the time limits for the DCS. So I'll keep everyone posted as to the status of that, along with all the other projects we'll be working on.

Oh yeah, and plenty of them (projects, that is: music videos, short films, and general hilarity). I'll be quitting my job starting Friday, and look forward to a summer full of writing, filmmaking, and overall creative goodness. Keep an eye out at P2S for upcoming fun and frivolity.

Lemon Curry?

2007-05-29T22:18:00.000-05:00

God bless the silliness of Monty Python. I loved growing up watching reruns of Monty Python's Flying Circus, and am now blessed with YouTube and the hundreds upon hundreds on Monty Python skits. Here's a few gems of their wit and amazingly sharp dialogue (the product of Oxford and Cambridge educations. Awesome.). Go on, you know want to watch it.

"Argument Clinic"

"Kilimanjaro Expedition"

"Flying Lesson"

"Batley Townswomen's Guild Reenactment of the Battle of Pearl Harbor"

Post-24 Depression

2007-05-22T22:11:00.001-05:00

Sigh. Well, it's mid-May, and Jack Bauer has yet again saved the world, the U.S., California, Los Angeles, a bus full of nuns, a cute kitten that got stuck in a tree, a 3-2 Dodger win over the Giants, and 15% by switching to Geico. Seriously, is there anything you can't do, Jack Bauer?

But now, Grego is left with a hole in his heart as he sees his favorite TV hero...(omitted for spoilers). 24 has long been my must-see TV show, and those who have called me in the past during that time know that nothing disturbs my weekly date with Jack Bauer. But now I must wait until January for the new season of 24 and an as-yet unknown time in 2008 for Battlestar Galactica.

For those who missed Day Six, it revolved around five missing suitcase nukes. The day is prefaced by weeks of violence and suicide bombings in the US at the hand of Muslim extremists. I won't go into too much detail for those who plan on watching it on DVD or MySpace (which I thought was ingenious on FOX's part), but I enjoyed the season for the most part. There were parts of it I thought were unforgivable (Curtis...WTF?), and at times it tried too hard and forsook development for more action (12 hours to see your first explosion in Day One vs. 12 seconds in Day Six), but it definitely got better as the season developed.

It reminded me a lot of Day Three. In it, there was a viral scare and the writers tried far, far, far too many plot twists throughout the day (Jack's heroin habit?). They ended up cleaning house and introducing an almost new cast for Day Four (my favorite), and I can see the same thing happening for Day Seven.

I definitely see a new cast, and possibly a new non-LA location. Hmm? Any takers? Or is LA destined to be the #1 terrorist target for the seventh season in a row? Seriously, how does CTU Los Angeles continue to get funding? Not only do they make their employees work 24-hour shifts (where's the night shift in all this?), but with all the leaks, the attacks, the moles, and infiltrations, shouldn't we be evaluating CTU's effectiveness? And how much has LA's population dropped over the course of these six days (which I would guess is around nine or ten years).

I'm not sure where they'll go with the next season, but I think Jack Bauer killing some terrorists in new scenery would do him well. Those questions will be answered in time. Until we meet again, Jack Bauer, vaya con dios; you will be missed (until I start rewatching Day Four. Heart.).

Where's Grego?

2007-05-19T18:30:00.000-05:00

I apologize, it’s been about three weeks since last I posted anything here. Some things can’t be helped, though, as I’ve spent that time running around the globe, chasing a mythical beast in the name of entertainment. Allow me to explain.

Reports had come in from northern New Mexico about some kind of lizard demon. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Greg, that was just the Chupacabra, that’s nothing new.”

You’re half right. Actually, it was the Chupabarbara, the helpful counterpart to the Chupacabra. Instead of ruining fences and sucking the life out of goats, this charitable entity cooks you dinner, folds your laundry, and performs other nice tasks. In the past, it ahs been called Chupabuela for its grandmotherly similarity.

I was entranced, so a friend and I hightailed it to Estancia and tried to capture it on camera. We interviewed locals, spoke with a Chupacologist, and even set a trap for it. What developed was a screenplay that, fingers crossed, will be picked to win the Duke City Shootout. I’ll know by June 1 whether or not I get to share my love of the Chupabarbara with the rest of the world. If not, we’ll still make the movie; it must be done.

Then, earlier this month, I attended a piercing convention in Las Vegas. I was tipped off that the Chupabarbara was drawn to the penny slots at the Frontier, so I went undercover as a mild-mannered copy editor to hopefully catch her/it. Sadly, the only thing I caught was a wicked hangover after a late night of partying with a friend who lives in Vegas.

Which brings us to the present. Currently, I had been busy finalizing the script, prepping my resume to be sent out for when I move to LA in August, future job and apartment searching, and taking care of impending deadlines at the magazine. I feel bad I haven’t had time to keep up with Pandering to Savages, and even now I have to keep running back and forth between here and my apartment’s laundry room to see if a machine has opened up. But rest assured this is the beginning of a rebirth. I’ll check out everyone’s blog soon and leave some wit and candor, but until then, I hope you enjoyed reading of my travels, trials, treats, and tribulations. Talk soon, fooligans.

Josh Hancock Dies in Auto Accident

2007-04-29T15:54:00.000-05:00

Josh Hancock, relief pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals, was killed this morning in an auto accident. Picked up by the Cardinals last year, he was a solid addition in the bullpen. Tonight's game against the Cubs naturally has been postponed. We here at Pandering to Savages extend our thoughts and prayers to his family and the Cardinal organization.

Cardinals Mourn Passing of Hancock

A Rock Block of Bach

2007-04-26T19:41:00.000-05:00

I've been a little busy with deadlines, so let's put PtS on cruise control tonight and enjoy some D. Plenty of goodness, including how awesome black holes are, will be forthcoming. Have a great night, fooligans.

Yeah, Four Twen-...Wait, What Were We Talking About?

2007-04-20T17:20:00.000-05:00

(Portrait of the artist as a stoned man)

Well folks, April 20 is upon us, and you know what that means. "What, Hitler's birthday?" "Anniversay of Columbine?"

Um, yes and no. 4/20 is the actually the unofficial day where we all come together and bond through the simple act of smoking us some weeeeeeeeed, bro. It would have been nice to have had the day off at work, seeing as it's pretty much the national holiday of one of our magazines, but anyways...

How many of you know the origin behind this ubiquitous term for the pot smoking culture? My guess is no. That's okay, I had to look it up, too. Apparently, all this 420 culture was started around 1970 by some miscreants in San Rafael, CA (surprised?), who would meet at 4:20 after school to get together and burn one down. While I was hesitant to accept this, plenty of sites point to this as the true origin, not other myths like its the CA police code for smoking marijuana (420 is the code for obstructing entry onto public land) or that there's 420 active chemicals in marijuana (actually 315 sweet, sweet chemicals). And come on, Wikipedia never told a lie, right? Riiiiiiiight.

So there you go, you cute little stoners, thought I'd pass you a packed bowl of knowledge and information. Just don't forget to pass it on the left hand side.

Let Me Tell You How It Will Be...

2007-04-17T21:28:00.000-05:00

There's one for you, 19 for me.

Well folks, the accountants over at PtS are wracking their collective heads of knuckle to figure where we went wrong this year. It turns out we're paying the amount we thought we were getting back. So yeah, that sucks. But at least I know I'm doing my part to fund all our successful and efficiently-run programs, both domestic and international.

Fuck.

Tuesdays with Mercer

2007-04-12T00:16:00.000-05:00

Nothing like a spur-of-the-moment trip to see The Shins to get this week started right. You see, The Shins hail from here in Albuquerque, but they haven't come back to play in over four years. So after a string of European dates, I guess they figured, "What the heck, let's go back to Albuquerque and rock that town silly."

And rock it silly they did. They played in a small club called the El Rey, and tickets sold out QUICK. I was unable to procure any as I found out about the concert too late, but last night, my friend asked if I wanted to go downtown and try our luck at getting tickets. They had released 45 tickets that night, but were unable to get any of those. We ended up buying some from a scalper for a slight increase, but it would soon be well worth it, although in my rush to get out of the house I forgot my camera, so all I could do is take crappy phone pictures. Forgive me.

I won't bore you with the openers, but The Shins effing rocked. They sounded tight, loud, and overall just plain awesome. And they appeared to be happy to be back in town, constantly thanking us for coming out and telling fun little anecdotes, like James Mercer saying, "This is a song I wrote about four blocks from here," and then breaking into "New Slang." It changed my life. Glee.

They also played a very cool cover of "Breathe" by Pink Floyd, a rocked out version of "So Says I," and turned "Caring Is Creepy" into a slow ballad, which all sounded great. Overall, they played for close to 90 minutes with a great mix of all three of their albums. My one complaint is that there wasn't enough dancing. Oh sure, there was the emo kid head bob, but where was the jumping and flailing about? Meh, it just made me look that much cooler. Amazing concert, that's all I can say. Why aren't The Shins ruling the world with their poppy goodness right now? Oh well.

Next up is TV on the Radio back-to-back, along with a soon-to-be-drunk-and-mischief-filled weekend in Atlanta, washed down with a chaser of some great music, both live and blared through the speakers at the residence of one Austin Louis Ray. Have a great weekend, fooligans.

Aural Pleasure

2007-04-11T19:10:00.000-05:00

Check out this tasty slate of concerts and envy me. ENVY ME!!!

April 10 - The Shins - Albuquerque, NM (post to come)
April 12 - TV on the Radio - Athens, GA
April 13 - TV on the Radio - Atlanta, GA
April 15 - Neko Case - Albuquerque, NM

...I just hope my eardrums can keep up.

I Am Awesome (Kinda)

2007-04-07T00:43:00.000-05:00

Before I post something a little longer and more meaningful, I forgot to post this a ways back and I feel like a little pat on the back after getting hit in the head with a softball today. A power cable redirected a pop up and hit me square between the eyes. Now I have a nice little swollen cut between my eyes, but I'm treating it with some pre-birthday drinking and playing of the Wii.

But where was I? Oh yeah, 783 million on a single trick in Tony Hawk 3. I made that game my bitch. In case you were curious. You probably weren't. That's okay. Rock.

What's Up, Rossini?

2007-04-07T00:22:00.000-05:00

I've been a Looney Tunes kick of late, so I thought we'd watch one together. Sound fun? Awesome.

One thing I've always loved and respected about Looney Tunes is the fact they use a full orchestra to score their cartoons, from the sound effects to the music itself, which could often work as the only auditory components of the cartoon (Roadrunner & Coyote, anyone?).

Yes, the animators drew some of the greatest slapstick - and just plain animation - ever to grace the screen, but look at their names: Looney Tunes, Merrie Melodies. Music played a HUGE role in these cartoons, as they had full access to the huge sound library Warner Brothers had to offer and took full advantage, from movie sound effects to current popular songs. But that's not to say they ever forgot their musical roots, as evidenced by this cartoon below, The Rabbit of Seville. Great, great cartoon, plain and simple.

You know what? Enough talk, just enjoy the damn cartoon. I have too much love to give for Looney Tunes and their importance on my comedic upbrining, so I'll just let the cartoon do the talking.

I Expect Change

2007-04-02T14:17:00.000-05:00

When I heard the Cubs were reportedly for sale, I called the Chicago Tribune and gave them my offer (above). They ended up being sold to Sam Zell as part of a larger acquisition of the Tribune Company, but my offer still stands. Although I do think I'm overpaying.

Opening Day!!

2007-04-01T13:03:00.000-05:00

Cardinals!!

Baseball!!

Yay!!

Spoiling Your Appetite

2007-03-28T19:23:00.000-05:00

DISCLAIMER: FOR THOSE WHO HAVE YET TO SEE THE SEASON FINALE OF BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, SCROLL BEOW THIS POST FOR MORE FUN AND FRIVOLITY!!

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, let me say...2008? 2008?!?!!??!?! You gotta be kiddin me! After a "meh" season 3 (I heard someone say it's turned more into a space opera than a space battle) and the proverbial load blowing at the end of the finale, we now have to wait nine months to see another minute of BSG? Shenanigans.

Which reminds me: Pat, I need your cell number again, as I think I texted "2008?!" to your old 573 number, which I believe is now owned by a pair of 12-year-old-girls. I doubt they understood the message.

But yeah, what does this absence say about season 4? Are they doing the 24 approach and wanting an uninterrupted season? Are they just trying to write everything in advance for what seems like the show's last season? Are they in negotiations with the network, meaning things could fall through and we could be sans season 4? So much drama, and we have yet to step in front on the camera. Hmmm....

But let's get down to business, shall we? But where to begin...

The Final Five - Okay, so Tyrol, Tigh, Tory, and Anders are supposedly four of the last five, after hearing "All Around the Watchtower" throughout the ship and all meeting together in one of Galactica's rooms, which would be freaky if you were one of the four. But are they Cylons? My first thought was no (oooooh, how brave, right?). Here's why:

On New Caprica (along with every other instance), these four were pretty much the embodiment of the resistance against the Cylons. What better way for the Cylons to fuck with the humans than to make these four question whether or not they're a toaster or not (was I the only one holding their breath when Tory and Tigh stood next to their respective number ones, thinking thoughts of season 1's finale?).

But this could also be written that they are. Every time they show the final five, they're always robed in white and glowing. I also thought that they could be an anti-cylon Cylon, meaning that they're the Cylons who have been decreed to help guide the humans to Earth and protect them against the remaining seven, and these are definitely four people you can count on to stand up for the human race. I don't know, I've always been a big fan of the religious undertones of the show. We shall know in time, I guess.

And then there's the last Cylon. Once I saw Gaius' attorney pull a Keyser Soze and leave Galactica, I'm sure alarms were all going off in our collective heads of knuckle. Maybe he did it for the sympathy vote, but he just seemed TOO smooth of a character throughout the trial. Now I could go into a bunch of other ideas of who the last Cylon is, but this post is already getting too long. So new subject...

Starbuck - She's baaaaack. And not a moment too soon. They couldn't keep her written out for too long. I don't think she's a Cylon, but there are some weird religious/greater picture gears in motion. What happened when we saw her blow up? Maybe she transcended this plane or something, but I don't think she's a Cylon, as she was in her Viper and plus, how would she have been able to get out of whatever Resurrection Ship/planet she reanimated in? Prohpet? Maybe. Looks like we're following her Viper to Earth, regardless.

Okay, after reading the above material, I feel if I kept going I'd start rambling incessantly because I can do so easily with this show, and I know I haven't even touched Gaius and his fate, so if you'd like to continue this discussion at a later time, I'm game. Hit me up, fooligans.

Philsophizing While Peeing

2007-03-24T01:08:00.000-05:00

Philosopee?

Anywho, this was written above a urinal at a downtown bar in Albuquerque. It was practically begging for its picture to be taken. So I obliged.

Peep the New Digs, Kiddos

2007-03-24T00:05:00.000-05:00

So I figured a)it's been 100 posts or so and it's time for a new look, and b)with baseball season upon us, what better colors than Cardinal red and white? Maybe Tony La Russa orange, but I think this one works for now.

Great news: I've quit the grading job at night, so Greg now has his nights all to himself once again, and it's a beautiful thing. Expect more fun to come your way over the next few days and beyond, as I have some catching up to do (and plenty of material to keep me busy). I do apologize for the lack of posting, but "creatively drained" pretty well summed up how I'd been feeling.

Oh, and I have a very fun surprise for you coming soon. For several days, I started writing a list of some of the words our 10th graders are misspelling. I thought it'd be fun to put them all together into one long composition. The results were far better than I expected for compiling it in such a short time. Sadly, I left the list at work after transcribing it, but prepare to soon weep for the future. Here's a tasty sample:

sochuld - should
pubeade - puberty
grrll - girl
cud - could

I know, I know......................I know. This would be sad if it wasn't so pathetic. Enjoy the rest of your night, fooligans, we'll talk soon.

All Work and No Play Make Greg a Dull Boy

2007-03-11T23:32:00.000-05:00

I apologize for my lack of posting these last few weeks. I recently started a second job grading competency exams for the 10th graders of Texas, so I find myself with precious little time to sit down and be creative. I can't get into details thanks to their confidentiality agreement, so let's chat on a more private channel, some of these kids' answers have been high-larious. You really see the full spectrum of writing ability, from the really good to the really, REALLY bad.

Trust me, I haven't forgot about you, but Greg has been stretched pretty thin. And then weekends have been recently full with random goings-on and painting the town red spending our CW money, which is why I'm crashing in the next few minutes. I don't know how much longer this will last, as I have a great idea for a non-fiction screenplay competition along with me and my friend's fiction screenplay we're working on for another competition that I really need to get working on, but I'll keep you posted. Plus, we need to finish our series on the Cardinals (and yes, even a pandering post for you, Comrade). So until we talk again, have a good night, fooligans.

Around the Horn, Part Two: Pitching - Aces Wild

2007-02-21T22:04:00.001-06:00

We last left this series after getting familiar with our infield.

Today, we'll talk about our pitching. Again, La Russa should have a deep bullpen for when Isringhausen goes down with an injury...again. The big question mark for the Cardinals will be their starting rotation. Other than Mr. Amazing Chris Carpenter and the hopeful, eventual return of Mark Mulder, there will be some new faces on the mound (say goodbye to Jason Marquis, Jeff Suppan, and Jeff Weaver). Of the three, Suppan's loss is the biggest. Marquis showed flashes of bumness far too often, and while I liked Jeff Weaver, we can find another one of him. So meh, on to 2007.

Fans will be happy to see Adam Wainwright getting the nod to join the rotation. Many had been wanting to see him take Marquis' place there last year, but I think we'll all agree that he worked out pretty well. Also joining him will be Anthony Reyes, who dabbled in starting last year but had some great starts during the postseason, so expect to see him in the rotation. Braden Looper, who I've blown hot and cold on since his acquisition last season, may get the nod, along with new pickup Kip Wells. Injured for most of last year (managed only nine starts), he's an established starter who can put in some quality starts if healthy. But enough talk, let's check these boys out:

SP - Chris Carpenter - Cy Young winner in 2005. Undisputed ace of the Cardinals. 51 wins, 3.12 ERA, and 549 K in three seasons with St. Louis. 'Nuff said.
SP - Mark Mulder - Honestly, I don't know what's going on with Mulder's recovery, but as long as he's in a Cardinal jersey, he's a potential starter in my book. Great sinker, curve, and decent fastball. One of the greatest pitching performances I ever saw was delivered by Mulder against Roger Clemens and the Astros. He pitched a 10-inning, 1-hit shutout to win 1-0. Very cool. But last year, Mulder probably returned to action too early from shoulder surgery and looked bad. So if he can recapture some of his prior magic, look for him to have a premanent place in the lineup. But right now, it's too early to tell.
SP - Adam Wainwright - To be a rookie and record the closing outs for the NLDS, NLCS, and the World Series? Wow, that's pretty cool. But for those who watched him throughout the season, that's not entirely surprising. This guy has some electric stuff. After a season holding it down in the bullpen, he's more than earned a chance for a spot in the rotation. Look for nothing but good things to come from this rising star.
SP - Anthony Reyes - Flat brim, high socks. Old school. Reyes filled in throughout the year for missing starters, and went back to the minors when he was told, too. After a solid postseason, Dave Duncan wants to keep this kid around. Sure, he's not the flashiest player, but he's a quality pitcher who will continue to improve the more he has a chance to play in a winning system like St. Louis.
SP - Kip Wells - Like I mentioned above, Wells had only nine starts last year with Pittsburgh and Texas. But if he stays healthy, he's a guy who can be your four or five spot in the rotation. Don't expect the greatest numbers, but he is someone who can throw the ball for seven innings, which is always good.
SP - Braden Looper - Of all the pitchers here, he's most likely to be the Cards go-to guy in the bullpen for long relief. I'm not sold on Looper as a starter, but as a fresh arm when games go awry, or to setup for the closer, I think he'd fit in well. But he'll compete for the rotation. If he works out, more power to him, but I'm not sold on Looper starting. Of course, there are other relievers battling for his spot, like Brad Thompson and Ryan Franklin, but he's probably the frontrunner of them right now. We'll see how things shape up.
Closer - Jason Isringhausen - Last year we saw a very fallible Jason Isringhausen, walking far too many batters, loading the bases, blowing saves, etc. This was not the closer Cards fans were accustomed to seeing. Lucky for us he got hurt and was replaced by Wainwright, who filled in wonderfully. I expect the Cards to give Isringhausen this season to get his act together. I hope he does, otherwise we'll be looking at a new closer come 2008.

Yes, I know I'm missing all the relief pitchers, but La Russa still has many moves to make until the season begins. The Cardinals have had a deep bullpen in years past, and each year brings new faces, so let's just get familiar with these guys later, yes? We'll tackle the outfield and bench players in our next edition of AtH. Vaya con dios, fellow Redbird fans.

The Seedy Side of Selebrity

2007-02-21T20:19:00.000-06:00

Okay, so you may not like celebrities and all that gossip and paparazzi and shallowness that surrounds most of them, but I know what you DO love: watching celebrities fall from grace.

Enter The Superficial. Basically, their goal is to show the worst our famous, talentless hacks have to offer, bring it to light, and make oh so much fun of it. It's a very cool site. Be prepared for an overdose of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears, but also be prepared to see them get ripped apart. Funny, funny stuff.

Have You Sniffed Your Dollar Today?

2007-02-21T19:36:00.000-06:00

Take out a dollar bill. Look at it. See anything funny? Chances are it may contain cocaine.

Whether it was used to actually sniff the Peruvian dancing powder or not, the residue from cocaine is so fine that when it comes in contact with other bills, money counters, or cash drawers, it can spread to the other bills. Plus, dollar bills are very fibrous, when cocaine touches the bill, it embeds itself very easliy.

So sure, there may only be a nanogram on Washington's face, but it's just one more interesting aspect to the journey our money takes. Cool, eh? That's all.

Around the Horn, Part One - Infield: Man, Those Corners Are Hottt!

2007-02-17T15:11:00.000-06:00

I've been putting this post off, not wanting to start getting giddy about the Cardinals too early. But now with pitchers and catchers reporting, I think it's time. *glee* Well, that, and I've joined a group called MLB Bloggers, so I guess I should try posting some baseball goodness.

So with Spring Training a little more than ten days away, and the first game of their repeat Championship season beginning on April 3 against the Mets (which reminds me, I need to buy my MLB.TV pass), I think it's time we get familiar with our Redbirds, so let's go around the horn:

Fitst, let's look at the infield.

1B - Albert Pujols - What is there to say about Albert Pujols that hasn't already been said about the bomb we dropped on Hiroshima? After winning his first Gold Glove last year, along with a .331 avg, 49 HR, 177 hits, and 137 RBI, Albert continues to get better with each year, if that was still possible. With him signed through 2010, who knows, Cardinal fans may see him hit 100 HR in a season. Okay, maybe not, but this perennial MVP candidate really is the cat's meow.
2B - Adam Kennedy - Eckstein's teammate from the Angels when they won the World Series,
Kennedy was signed for a three-year deal with the Cardinals, bringing chemsitry and familiarity to the double-play combination. In year's past, the Cardinals have had a bit of a merry-go-round at second base, but still continued to execute a decent number of double plays, ringing in 170 last year. Look for that number to increase if Kennedy becomes a fixture at second. With numbers of .273, 123 hits, and 55 RBI, he should provide a decent bat in the lineup, wherever he's placed (we'll see how spring goes).
SS - David Eckstein - I'm sure Mr. Eckstein has looked stylish speeding down 270 and 40 in his new Corvette, the gift for being last year's World Series MVP. And he earned it. A sentimental favorite for the Cardinals, Eckstein plays with all his heart, hustling every play and not afraid to sacrifice his body. As a leadoff man, he can get on base. With only 41 Ks last year, along with a .350 OBP and .292 avg., he gives the rest of the lineup a chance to make plays and move him around the bases. Defensively, while he doesn't have the strongest arm, he has a wide range for a small player. With Adam Kennedy at second, look for the two to have a solid defensive year. And look for Eckstein to hit above .300 this year.
3B - Scott Rolen - And we come to the hottest of corners, Scott Rolen. Winning his seventh Gold Glove and in the running for Comeback Player of the Year in '06, Rolen had a great seaon, hitting .296, with 22 HR, 95 RBI, and 48 doubles. If he stays healthy, the Cardinals have the best corner tandem, bar none. Scottifer has always been one of my favorites, and watching him make diving catches, throwing from his knees, and throwing runners out at first while doing handstands, we're watching probably the best defensive third baseman, and maybe the best overall, of our generation. Injuries aside, look for another Gold Glove from Mr. Rolen and hopefully a little more offensive output. Of course, should he or Pujols go down or need rest, Scott Spiezio and his mighty red soul patch can fill their spot in a pinch (but more on him and the rest of the benchies later).
C - Jadier Molina - After the Cardinals let Mike Matheney go to the Giants, I was quite sad. Matheney was a defensive force behind the plate, but instead they bring in this Jadier Wholina? Oh wait, did he just throw a guy out at first who wasn't paying attention? Oh snap! Seriously, I had never seen that before until Molina and his rocket arm squatted behind home. This man keeps baserunners honest, allowing only 39 stolen bases and catching 27 would-be theives last year. Okay sure, he had a forgettable offensive regular season, but for those who watched the postseason, they saw a Molina reborn. With a CLUTCH homer in Game 7 against the Mets and a huge .358 avg. throughout the playoffs, the entire city of St. Louis hopes that momentum carries over into 2007. But even if the bat is slow to start, expect Molina to continue to anchor the team with his solid catching. With another strong Cardinal lineup, he can disappear for a while and get away with it.

Well, that's all I got for now. Stay tuned in the next few days as I tackle the outfield and pitching staff, and maybe even some of the bench players (why not?).

April 3. I can't wait. I may go watch Game 5 from the WS now, just to start getting in the mood. GO CARDINALS!!!

This Peanut Butter Will Kill You!

2007-02-17T13:58:00.000-06:00

Oh sure, it may look innocent and unassuming, but lying within its plastic container lies an extra-large serving of salmonella, rat poison, arsenic, and I think even a trace of Hitler's blood. Bad stuff.

Don't believe me? Well just ask Con Agra Foods:

Peter Pan Peanut Butter and Great Value Peanut Butter Products Beginning with Product Code 2111 Recalled for Possible Salmonella Contamination.

And here, as further proof of my proximity to this potentially fatal concoction of buttered peanut, is the lid of the above jar of peanut butter. You should be happy I lived to tell the tale.

(spooky, huh?)

Ain't No Party Like a Communist Party...

2007-02-09T21:29:00.000-06:00

Cuz a Communist Party don't stop!

I'm sure that song was HUGE in 1988. Anywho, I found this while surfing Comrade Patrick's MySpace page and I hearted it mucho. And now it's here for you to enjoy. One question: do they share the alcohol equally? Because Mao looks like a boozehound. Just my thoughts.

Hail to the King, Baby

2007-02-09T21:18:00.000-06:00

I had the day off work last Wednesday. Due to some faulty wiring, electricians had to spend the day getting us back up to code before one of us fried ourselves while warming up our coffee in the microwave. Thank the gods I'm still here.

You'll be glad to know I spent the day being completely unproductive. Save an early trip to the gym, I don't think I did much more than play Madden, write a little, and watch movies. But one of the movies I watched was one I had meant to get to for awhile, starring the super-chinned and super-awesome Bruce Campbell.

The movie was Bubba Ho-Tep, and for those who are unfamiliar with it, the premise is that an aged Elvis is living out his days in an East Texas rest home and must battle a 3000-year-old mummy who is preying on the souls of the home's residents. Oh, and a black JFK helps him along the way. The movie pretty much writes itself.

Bruce Campbell is great in this movie about what Elvis has really been doing these last 30 years and how he ended up where he did. And for those who have watched, and subsequently enjoyed, Bubba Ho-Tep, you may have heard they're coming out with a prequel: Bubba Nosferatu and the Curse of the She Vampires, which finds Elvis shooting a film in Louisiana before happening upon a coven of she-vampires. Cinematic gold. Here's the trailer to the Bubba Ho-Tep for a better idea of what I'm talking about.

And for more Bruce Campbell lub, head over to Error 204 for a couple of fun posts, including an Old Spice commercial with one of the coolest paintings ever.

It's a Trick, Get an Axe
Bruce Campbell Has It

The Great, Grand, Glorious YouTube Debut

2007-02-09T20:38:00.000-06:00

And we net a profit of $200. Sweet deal for two hours of work.

Many of you got either an email or bulletin today from me about a video my friend Eric and I did for a contest from the CW, a local TV station. He had to make a commercial promoting The King of Queens, possibly winning a trip to L.A. to view a taping and meet the cast. Now myself, I've never really watched the show, but my friend LOVES it. As do the Germans, so I'm told. Hence, the horrible accents.

I do apologize for the rushed nature with which you received the message. Apparently the contest ended at 5:00 today and the video wasn't put on there until around noon. So we had to get the word out, and I did the best I could while at work. What can I say, y'all came through.

Thanks to everyone who visited it/promoted it/passesd it along. With your visits we won the $200 runner-up prize. Sadly, we won't be going to L.A., but I promise the money will be used on only the finest booze and hookers Albuquerque has to offer (although I was looking forward to making out with Leah Renimi).

And for those (un?)fortunate souls who missed the silliness, here it is for your viewing pleasure.

This Is What It Feels Like When Red Corvettes Cry Purple Rain in 1999 While Going Crazy and Wearing Seven Raspberry Berets.

2007-02-05T18:05:00.000-06:00

Whew. I could go on, but you get the point. Anywho...

Well fooligans, I was right. Kinda. But if I had made a bet yesterday, I would have lost, because I thought the Bears would lose but cover the spread. Little did I know Rex Grossman freaks out at the sight of rain. Okay, that’s unfair, he had a pretty decent game, but the Bears offense was too afraid to make big plays down the field. Once Devin Hester ran that kick back in the opening seconds (which was awesome), it seemed the Bears were content to just to sit back and play small ball. And where was Brian Urlacher during the second half?

I'm sure you all watched the game, no need to rehash. Besides, you can read and watch highlights ad nauseous on ESPN/SI/CBS Sports/Sporting News/etc. Plus, I didn’t really care who won, but I was happy to see the Colts hoist the trophy, there are a lot of players on there I really like (Peyton, Harrison, Bob Sanders, Dwight Freeney…).

But the show I was looking forward to seeing was Prince’s halftime show. Okay, it’s not the same Prince who oozed ambiguous sex back in the late 80s, but being a big Prince fan, I was looking forward to the halftime show, which I think is the first time…well, ever. I don’t know if any of you saw the Rolling Stones wheeze their way through the halftime show last year, but it truly was a sad sight. And people pay hundreds of dollars to see these geriatrics attempt to rock.

But I digress. Prince. Rocked. Damn. He crammed a bunch of good music into a short time, leading off with “Let’s Go Crazy,” "Baby, I'm a Star," and inserting parts of “Proud Mary," "All Along the Watchtower," and "Best of You," before finishing with “Purple Rain” in the middle of pouring rain. Very cool. I was hoping one of the dancers (who were taller than Prince, but that’s not hard to do) would slip on the stage and eat it on national TV, but alas, they kept their footing. I still really liked the show, though. Even in the rain, Prince sounded great and played the hell out of his guitar. Rock.

And for those who flipped to the Lingerie Bowl, Puppy Bowl, or found something productive to do during halftime, here it is, in two-part harmony (which is odd, but all I could find. meh.). Enjoy.

Super Bowl. Puppy Bowl.

2007-02-03T21:00:00.000-06:00

Who ya got?

Tomorrow's the big game and probably the biggest unofficial holiday in America. Personally, I lost a lot of excitement once the Chargers lost, but I think this is shaping up to be a good game. With the Colts offense and the Bears defense, it really hinges on which team shows up tomorrow. It can go either way, but I like the Colts. Not by much, but I think Peyton will find a way to squeak past that swarming Chicago defense. Granted, I watched Chicago come back against the Cardinals solely due to their defense, but that was against the Cardinals. I just hope it will be a good game: not a big blowout, but not another repeat of the Colts-Ravens divisional (15-6. Woo.).

But the game I can't wait to watch is happening at the same time on Animal Planet (but they'll be showing it all day long, I'm sure). I speak, of course, about Puppy Bowl III. Yes, you read it right. I watched this last year after I was flipping around the channels post-game. For those with no prior knowledge of Puppy Bowl, it's three hours of puppies playing in a small play area painted up as a stadium, set to light, childish music. That's it. Three hours. Puppies playing.

Oh, and every now and then a referee comes in and throws flags for penalties, like if a puppy bites another puppy's ear, or if he poops on the playing field, and there's also a camera in the water bowl so you can watch a puppy refresh itself. Three hours of this. Then a repeat.

Give it a watch; I kept going back to it last year, just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating and actually seeing three hours of puppies playing. I'll probably do the same this year. You can also go to the website and vote for your MVP. Personally, my money is on the chow. Sure, she's cute, but underneath that hairy facade lies the heart of a warrior. I can feel it. Enjoy the games everyone.

"Veal Cutlet Come Down Tried to Beat the Shit Out of My Cup of Coffee...

2007-01-29T19:20:00.000-06:00

...Coffee just wasn't strong enough to defend itself."

Lately I've been on a Tom Waits kick. Well, that's half true. I'm always on some kind of Tom Waits kick, but I've been playing the HELL out of Nighthawks at the Diner lately. I just love the live setting of the album, the intimacy of him playing to a small crowd, and the poetic creativity of this album, from the 'tween song banter ("I'm not weird about it, I don't tie myself up first.") to the actual songs. Tom Waits is a friggin' genius. You know this. I know this.

That's all I got. It's time to eat before 24. Talk soon.

To the Sixth Dimension and Back

2007-01-27T00:48:00.000-06:00

I have a phrase on my backpack. It reads, "To 42 Below and Back." I wrote that after a bottle of 42 Below vodka was broken in my backpack while spending the night in the Auckland airport. My bag, books, notebooks...everything was soaked in the sweet, sweet nectar of New Zealand's finest alcohol. It was a long night of drying everything under the hand dryer in the men's bathroom. For what my backpack went through, it was given that illustrious phrase.

After Wednesday night's experience with salvia, I feel like tattooing the subject line somewhere around my abdomen. Salvia, officially called Salvia Divinorum, is a legal psychoactive herb that comes from Mexico, and can be traced back to Mayan shamen using it for spirit journeys and the like.

Now Greg, psychoactive, you say? From something you can buy at your local head shop? Laugh away, fooligans, I thought the same thing until I got my hands on some (one of the many benefits of working for a magazine sent to smoke shops, and also working behind one, too). Well, we had done an article in Headquest back in June about the kraZiness that is Salvia, and we always have a bunch of vendors in the magazine selling the stuff, so I was curious. I kept hearing about it causing slight hallucinations, like the colors are more vibrant, textures start to move, you see the world in a different way kind of thing. It sounded like doing mushrooms, but this high peaked after five minutes and trailed off for about another hour. Whatev. They also STRESSED having a sober sitter if it's your first time trying it, which I thought was a tad overdramatic. Check the links above to read a little more about it (Don't worry, the Wikipedia article's a short read).

So like I was saying, I got my hands on some 10x extract of salvia...Purple Sticky Salvia, to be exact (but it was neither purple nor sticky, just a bunch of ground up leaves that looked like shake). My friend insisted I lead off, so I put some in a bong, as they said the smoke is hot and needs to be cooled, and I took a single hit. Granted, it was a big hit, but a single hit nonetheless. Best to play it safe and see what this salvia was all about. What happened next surprised the both of us.

I exhaled my hit, stood up and set the bong on the counter, then sat back down. The last thing I remember is drooling on my leg before blacking out. The next few minutes, what I remember, was a horrifying episode of utter blackness and fighting for my very existence. I remember hearing voices, completely forgetting where I was, and having the feeling I was in this dark cell, light years away from where I was but seconds ago. Few times I managed to break through the darkness and see flashes of my friend's apartment, and by this time I'm on my knees leaning against my friend's chair, looking at him, asking where I was and where the voices were coming from (I was told I spoke a LOT of gibberish). I was convinced that I was pleading my case to exist and my friend was the one person who helped keep me in this realm. I wish I was kidding. I can't remember the last time I was so scared. Once the blackness started to subside, I started to piece together where I was, but the visuals, including my friend's face, were horribly streched out horizontally. I'd slowly look around, trying to find familiarity, but for five mintues I was in another dimension. This I'm convinced of (I can only imagine what was going through my friend's head at the time). I'd go into more details, but I'm having trouble even talking about it, let alone writing it out.

After I came to, I still felt weird. I had The Fear. I sat down in the chair, made my friend turn off the TV, and had to sit and keep reconfirming to myself that I was here in the present. It lingered for another forty minutes, and I had this all-over body buzz, like shrooms without the visuals. I asked my friend if he wanted to try it. I think you know his answer.

I've never had a drug hit me like this before. Maybe it's because I tried a very potent mix as my first time, or maybe because I took too big of a rip, but it was unlike anything I had ever done. In looking at what I've written so far, I realize I'm rambling. I apologize, but this stuff is crazy. If I try it again, I'll be sure to half the dose and hope for a calmer peak. But for now, I'm still a bit dazed from the experience and happy to be among my fellow denizens of Earth. To the brave souls who have tried it, let me know if you've had this same trip from salvia. Until next time, have a good night, fooligans.

A Lovin Spoonful of Spoon

2007-01-26T00:56:00.000-06:00

After looking at previous posts, I realized that I have a LOT of love for Mike Patton (not necessarily a bad thing), but not nearly enough for Spoon, a band that seems to invade every musical player I own, from car stereo to Discman to CPUs at home and work. Now I say these guys are my favorite group, but where's the love here on the blogging medium? Where, I ask you? Well, here it is. So here's some more musical goodness from Pandering to Savages, this time in the form of an amazing quartet from Austin, TX. Enjoy, I know you will.

Or for those who want a literal spoon, here you go. See, I can satisfy both sides......I have no idea what that means. Oh well, sue me, I'm drunk.

Tony Hawk Who?

2007-01-26T00:50:00.000-06:00

A magical thing happened a few days ago: I beat my previous high score in Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3 with a score of 783,068,500 IN A SINGLE TRICK!!! I don't know how may of you have played this wonderful game, but it's probably my favorite of all time. Great game engine, soundtrack, replayability...this was by far the best in the series. Plus, if you've played this game, you'll respect the hell out of this trick, even if I used an accidental glitch to start out with 6,000,000 off a Super Hand Clap air trick. Now, I have the picture for this score on my phone, but for some reason it won't send. I know, how convenient, right? Whatev. I'll be sure to post it once my phone decides to straighten up and fly right.

Over the years I've mastered THPS3 inside and out, and luckily I have a friend I can play with who can hang with me, but this latest score just goes to show the domination of man - or Greg - over machine. Score one for the human race here. Sure, it's not quite a billion points, but it's closer than my previous high of 525,000,000. RawK!

Obligatory Mike Patton Post

2007-01-23T23:54:00.000-06:00

It's been about two months since last we talked about a certain Michael Allan Patton (far, far too long), so why don't we drop some more musical goodness, hmm? First, we have a performance by Tomahawk, a more recent collaboration that brought forth two albums of solid rock (and a soon-to-come third album in 07...yay!). The song is "God Hates a Coward," and yes, he's singing into a gas mask.

Second is "Golem II: The Bionic Vapour Boy" by Mr. Bungle. I thought you should see the fun, charismatic interaction between Mike and his audience. That, and I've always really liked this song. I wanted to show off "Retrovertigo," but couldn't find a version of it. Oh well. Anywho, do yourself a huge musical favor and buy California today. It's one of my favorite albums, if that carries any weight with you fooligans. Alright, enough talk. Rock out!

Me Encanta Pocoyo!

2007-01-18T21:43:00.000-06:00

Buenos dias, amigos. I apologize for not giving my post-Mexico report yet, but I'm waiting for my sister to email me pictures of the perfection that was Ixtapa, seeing as the memory stick I bought at the airport didn't work in my camera. Oh well. Until then, however, I'd like to fill you in on something I discovered there.

It's called Pocoyo, an animated preschool program. I happened upon it flipping channels while sick in bed (bad meat), and I've fallen in love with it. Apparently it's all over Europe, along with Mexico (and I think even Japan), and both english and spanish versions are very well-made (although the voice of the spanish Pocoyo is unbearably cute). The show is about Pocoyo and his friends and the fun little adventures they get in. The other characters are Pato, a duck; Eli, a pink elephant; Lula, a dog; and various other friends who sometimes show up, like an manic octopus that talks in jibberish.

The premise of the show is really simple, and there isn't much beyond whatever props they're using (the background is a limitless white abyss like the Hyperbolic Time Chamber from DBZ). But the animation is really well done - I love their faces and the whole playful look it has - and the sounds and music work really complete the show.

Yes, I know I'm getting worked up over a show for four-year-olds, but watch and you'll agree; it's just an incredibly fun, innocent, enjoyable show. I'll start with "El Gran Estornudo" (The Big Sneeze), the first episode I saw. Following it is "Don't Touch," for those who'd like to see and hear an episode in english. After viewing these, you can visit YouTube for more. And more. Enjoy!

"You'll Go Over Like a Led Zeppelin."

2007-01-17T18:09:00.000-06:00

Led Zeppelin? Hey, that's catchy. Thanks, Keith!

Yesterday marked a very important date in rock history, when on January 15, 1969, Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham released Led Zeppelin I and changed rock 'n' roll forever.

Few bands have had the effect on music like Led Zeppelin. You know this. I know this. Everyone else knows this. So instead of more of my endless praise for the greatest band ever, enjoy a live version of the closing track from I, "How Many More Times," and rock the eff out!

When the Bread Drinks Milk, It Seems to Get Drunk

2007-01-05T23:18:00.000-06:00

I don't...I don't know. Just watch.

And finally, I read this story earlier today about an FDA-approved diet pill...FOR YOUR DOG!! I wish I was kidding. Only in America would we make a pill that helps your dog lose weight. These people have to be the worst owners in the world if you have to feed your dog a pill because you've been too lazy to walk him. See, I just watched "Super Size Me" last night for the first time and I was sickened. SICKENED! And now I read this story about the most obese nation in the world letting their pets get fat, too. Sad, just sad. I have to pack, so I'm cutting this short. Plus, I'm too mad to think of more wit to write. So goodnight again, everyone.

Right Near the Beach...Boy-ee!

2007-01-05T22:42:00.000-06:00

That's right folks, Pandering to Savages will be on hiatus for the next week. But this isn't one of those self-depricating, "Oh no, what do I write about," pouty hiati (hiatuses? is that the right plural?). No, I'm actually going to be in Ixtapa with my mom and sister through the 14th. Should be a nice change of pace from the unseasonably cold, snowy, and icy Albuquerque weather. The one downfall: I get in late Sunday night, so I'm going to miss the 24 premiere. Luckily, I have a friend taping it, so crisis averted.

So if I wasn't already bad enough not checking in on everyone, now you'll know why I haven't all this next week. But I'll be thinking of all of you as I'm poolside while my cabana boy rubs coconut oil on my back, or as I take my short to medium walks on the beach. Talk to you all when I get back, !vaya con dios!

(Can you find Greg?)

To the Old, Long Life and Treasure; To the Young, All Health and Pleasure.

2006-12-31T16:10:00.000-06:00

From everyone here at Pandering to Savages, we'd like to wish you all a Happy New Year. May 2007 bring you health, joy, prosperity, and another Cardinal World Series victory.

Pop Open a Bottle of Bubbly...Here's to Another Goddamn New Year

2006-12-31T15:45:00.000-06:00

Any excuse to mention Dismemberment Plan (may you rest in peace) is alright with the folks here at P2S. But today is extra special, because I'll be blasting "Ice of Boston" throughout the day. Sing along with the lyrics below. Rock Lang Syne!

Pop open a bottle of bubbly…yeah
Here's to another goddamn new year.
And outside, 2 million drunk Bostonians
Are getting ready to sing "Auld Lang Syne" out of tune.
I sit there in my easy chair, looking at the clouds, orange with celebration
And I wonder if you're out there.
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.
Pop open a third bottle of bubbly.
Yeah, and I take that bottle of champagne,
Go into the kitchen, stand in front of the kitchen window
And I take all my clothes off, take that bottle of champagne
And I pour it on my head, feel it cascade through my hair
And across my chest, and the phone rings
And it's my mother.
And she says "Hi honey, how's Boston?"
And I stand there, all alone on New Year's Eve,
Buck naked, drenched in champagne, looking at a bunch of strangers,
Uh, looking at them, looking at me, looking at them, and I say:
"Oh, I'm fine Mom—how's Washington?"
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time, time, time, time, yeah…
So I guess the party line is I followed you up here.
Well, I don't know about that.
Mainly because knowing about that would involve knowing some pathetic, ridiculous, and absolutely true things about myself that I'd rather not admit to right now.
Woke up at 3 a.m. with the radio on, that Gladys Knight and the Pips song on
About how she'd rather live in his world with him
Than live in her own world alone.
And I laid there, head spinning, trying to fall asleep,
And I thought to myself: "Oh, Gladys, girl, I love you but, oh—get a life!"
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

2006-12-31T15:17:00.000-06:00

When one thinks of Albuquerque, what comes to mind? Cacti? Desert? The highest drunk driving rate in the country? Sure, all those work. How about 18 inches of snow over the last ten days?

After having six inches fall a few days before Christmas, Albuquerqueans were treated to a foot of snow that dumped on the 505 in a matter of hours. Again, I've loved it. Snowmen, snowball fights, prancing (yes, prancing) in the snow. Sure, the roads have been awful and I've almost gotten in several accidents (all their fault), but it's been great.

It will be nice to see some warm weather and sandy beaches when I go to Ixtapa with my mom and sister starting the sixth of January, but I'll enjoy this wather until then. As for you, enjoy these pictures of a rare, snow-laden Albuquerque.

(Measured after the snow stopped falling on Saturday. That's 13 inches, fooligans!)

(I absolutely LOVE snow-capped trees. So cool.)

Which One's Clint Eastwood?

2006-12-19T22:22:00.000-06:00

(Awkward, that's what!)

Been an eventful last few days. Here's a quick update:

The Good - It snowed in Albuquerque today. A lot. We probably had about four inches fall while I was at work. This doesn't translate well into productivity, as I spent time prancing in the snow and getting in a snowball fight with some of the people at The Zone, a neighboring smoke shop. Driving home was interesting, mostly because people freak out at the first sign of snow, and it was particularly bad today. And where the hell were the plows? Oh well, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here, and that's awesome.

The Bad - Mizzou lost tonight to Illinois by three. They had a chance to tie it up last second, but the ball got away from Stefhon Hannah on the last possesion. But I was really impressed with them. I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to watch another game, but I was glad to catch them tonight. Oh, and last week, I got stopped by the police for my fire spinning. Apparently the combination of being in a park after hours and twirling around an open flame equals the police shining their spotlight and yelling at you to leave immediately. Pricks.

The Ugly - Confused by the picture above? It's okay, I was left speechless (and a little frightened) after my first encounter with an Iz. I've actually been putting off this post about the Iz because the right words still escape me, but here goes: I first saw the Iz at my friend's house last weekend. Apparently they had picked up a Happy Meal without any idea of the abomination that lay inside. Not only do these things look horribly weird, but they made the weirdest sounds when you pushed the button in their stomach. Actually, weird doesn't begin to touch it. Freaky, mind-numbing, how-could-a-kid-want-this-and-how-did-it-pass-market-research weird. Yeah, that's more like it. Apparently these Izzes are the big toy this Christmas, as the retail version is some sort of DJ that offers more, longer beats, and the capability to plug your mp3 player into it to modify the songs. I don't know, the video on the website is some animated pap that isn't even synched up right. I had to buy a Happy Meal today just to get one of these so I could further study its habits. My Iz has a "radio tuner" on its ear, and when you turn it on, you hear feedback. Twist his ear, and this two-count funky beat comes on. It's actually a bit danceable. But still, WTF, mates?

It's the Little Things...

2006-12-19T21:31:00.000-06:00

I received an awesome email from Austin today, and what can I say, it made me smile. Some of you may know that one Mr. Austin L. Ray writes our monthly music reviews for HQ, one of the three magazines I edit that's sent out to the smoke shop and counter-culture set. Well, the publicist for Barsuk, Menomena's record label, was tickled pink with the nature of our magazine after finding out Menomena was one of our February reviews. Here's the email:

So, Ever Kipp, the Barsuk publicist, was asking me
where my Menomena review was going to run, so I tried
to tell him what Headquest was. His response:

"Headquest eh? I look forward to picking up a copy
soon! That's great news. I'll go execute a reverse 360
stalefish in joy."

Ha!

Then, apparently he did some research on the subject
and got more stoked:

"Totally awesome. 'Headquest magazine is a venue for
companies wishing to reach the expanding smoke shop,
tattoo and body piercing markets.'"

Amazing. Thought you'd enjoy.

-ALR

Azmazing. And yes, I enjoyed.

UPDATE: I just, like, SO totally wrote a post similar to WWAW's recent contribution. Like, ohmigawd!

You Want Reviews? We got reviews.

Whetting the Appetite

2006-12-15T02:02:00.000-06:00

Well folks, I'm off for Lubbock to watch my sister, Ali, graduate from Texas Tech. You should all visit her MySpace page here and give her your kudos. Kudo now!

But anywho, I've been enjoying the sabbatical, but I also miss posting. Very much a Catch-22, so I'll start getting back into things once I return from the weekend. Full recap, work update, maybe even some writing samplings. Who knows.

But before I leave you, here's a website for a book that looks very very funny. It's called Look at My Striped Shirt, and it explores the personas of all the people we love to hate and make fun of, such as "America Is for Americans," "High School Football Is All I Have," "Damn, My Pencil-Thin Beard Is Perfect" (an Albuquerque epidemic), and "You Can't Plinko for Shit, You Dumb Bitch!" Good stuff. Thanks Smitty.

Okay, so this is a pretty quick half-ass post, but I'm kinda tired, kinda drunk, and I need my rest before working a half day and leaving around noon. Oh, I still need to wrap my sister's present, burn a CD, and pack (do I sound important yet?). So let's continue this awesome chat Sunday. Or Monday. Or whenever. Dig? Dug.

I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!

2006-12-05T00:22:00.000-06:00

Hey now, everybody, let's turn those frowns upside down. Moods seem a bit low right now, so cheer yourself up with this amazing pardoy of the Mac commercials. Boo and yah.

"PS3 vs. Wii"

I'm Still Here, Dammit!

2006-12-01T20:46:00.000-06:00

So at first glance, you may think I'm doing a tribute to Sandra Bernhardt, but that's not the case. I just thought I'd let you know that Greg is in a creative funk right now and has been 1)too drained from deadline week to post, and 2)unsure how he wants Pandering to Savages to continue (Austin, I know how you feel). This is my 75th post, and I need some direction before I begin again. I'm thinking I may use this as a showcase of current writings, maybe more of the same random goings-on and webgems, or maybe a combination of all three. I apologize to the few of you who have enjoyed my site so far. Rest assured I will return in time, and in full force. Vaya con dios, fooligans.

Pueblo or Bust

2006-11-22T13:55:00.000-06:00

Man I love that picture. God bless Trigger Happy TV. But anywho, I'm off to sunny Pueblo, CO, for the weekend, so I'm just killing some time here at work before I go. Have a great Thanksgiving everyone. In a world where people die of starvation everyday, there's nothing like a holiday that celebrates eating more than your stomach can possibly hold. So be gluttonous, for next month we celebrate avarice. Hey, that's two of the seven deadly sins! God bless America.

A quick aside: if you haven't visited ifilm.com lately, check it out. Looks like someone's jealous of YouTube getting bought for $1.65 billion, so they dressed up like them to see if lightning strikes twice. Too bad their new format suck-diddly-ucks. Oh well; godspeed, ifilm.

Hey Kids, It's Mike Patton!

2006-11-19T12:49:00.000-06:00

Good morning all. I'm about to head out and help my uncle out around his shop, but before I go, I thought I'd share with you a video of Faith No More's "I Started a Joke." This is a cover of a Bee Gees song, and also further evidence of Mike Patton's eccentric creativity. You'll recognize Tim from The Office, but the real treat is watching the guy sing, especially when he hits the chorus. There is a longer version with heckling and more dialogue, but I couldn't find it. I guess this will have to do.

Other notable FNM covers: "Easy" by Lionel Ritchie, "This Guy's in Love with You" by Burt Bacharach (a recent karaoke favorite around here and a last-minute add below), "War Pigs" by Black Sabbath, and this doesn't even begin to touch upon his other groups' covers, including video game and movie themes. So enjoy, fooligans, I'm off.

"I Started a Joke"

"This Guy's in Love with You"

They Can't All Be www.yourethemannowdog.com

2006-11-16T19:14:00.000-06:00

Never mind that last post. Turns out I'm a sucker for high speed internet, and I decided to keep it, along with the digital cable, at the new apartment. So in celebration, I thought I'd share with you the worst the web has to offer (What can I say, I travel in good company).

I came across this article from PC World about the 25 Worst Web Sites (feeling nervous, chicagocubs.com?). I have to agree with some of these, like inmatesforyou.com, which is like eHarmony with felons (I wish I was kidding), and a CDC page for kids about rabies awareness.

What's number one, you ask? I guess you'll just have to find out, hmmmmm? Don't worry, it's well deserved. But that's all I got for now; expect fun and frivolity this weekend, and maybe even some Bernie Dexter love.

Maybe.

If you're good.

Good Night, and Good Luck

2006-11-11T01:01:00.000-06:00

Well, this may be the last post in a while, as I'm moving out of my house tomorrow. I'm still debating over getting the interweb, wondering if I can find a six-month contract for high-speed. I haven't done any searching, but I generally thought they only do year contracts. Rest assured I'll still be leaving my mark on everyone's post, what else is work for? Looks like I'll be visiting the library more, too, which I guess is probably a good thing; I'd like another book to read. I just finished World War Z, and it was awesome. Thanks to the good folks at Crowdpleaser for that one. Oh, and I saw Borat last night. Wow. I was shocked and awed, to say the least. There's too much I could write about ("She's laid a Jew egg!") and I still have packing to do, so it will have to wait for another day. Have a good night, fooligans.