Faith? No More.

No, this isn't yet another Mike Patton pander (although that will come soon). Instead, this headline is in reference to my lack of faith in our citizenry. And even that's a lie, as I've lost faith in the competency of the general public a looooong time ago. But still, it seemed like a clever enough title for what I have to share.

I know many of you use Google for web searches, directions, babysitting, nuclear bomb assembly instructions, and of course, videos. You're one of millions everyday using this behemoth of a search engine. But what are people looking for? Luckily, Google Videos lets you see the Top 100 videos watched by us John Q. Publics. The top 5? Not pretty. At all. But to save you the trouble of seeing yourself, here they are:

#1: Girls Kissing on a Bed - This is pretty self-explanatory, but I was hesitant to click and watch it, afraid of having my apartment raided by Chris Hansen.
#2: Barbie Girl - Pretty much, it's two girls lip-synching to the Aqua's opus, "Barbie Girl." I can't even think of a joke funnier or more pathetic than that last sentence. Seriously, is this 1997? #2? Really?
#3: "Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy - So many words come to mind when watching this: talentless, hack, Top 40 shit, garroting. This is what gives hip hop and respectable rappers a bad name. Bland, unoriginal rap churned out by studios to do nothing more than sell records and make the entire black population look bad. It's the dumbening of America, one song at a time. Songs like this is why I made my parody to "This Is Why I'm Hot," titled "This Is Why I Suck."
#4: Makeout - Again, more girls making out, this time at some private school. At least I assume so, as I avoided it like everyone avoided me at tonight's film mixer (wait, that's not funny).
#5: Snake coughs up entire hippo - Honestly, the regurgitation of a hippo is probably the most intelligent of everything on this list. And it's nature, so it's educational, right?

So there you go, this is what people are spending their time to look up online. Nothing educational, practical, or even entertaining. And yet, I'm not at all surprised. Until tomorrow, have a good night, everyone.