I know you've all seen it, maybe even laughed once or twice. I speak of the Slowsky family, one of the latest Comcastic commercials. You know the premise: a turtle couple are fed up with their fast Comcast internet connection and switch down to DSL to savor the slowness. See, it's funny because they're turtles, and turtles are slow, but Comcast is far too fast for them. It really does just write itself. But there are some things that don't sit well with this blogger, ladies and gents.
Question the first: Where the hell do these turtles get the equity to buy a house? What does this turtle do for a living that allows him to live in a 1500 sq.ft. house with his wife? Was this some affirmative action thing where the employer needed to fill his reptile quota, taking good jobs from college graduates? I have an unemployed roomate who would probably like a word with this boss. And why even buy a full-size house when you're about nine inches tall? How long does it take to get from the bedroom to the bathroom, or even open the fridge for a late-night snack? Okay, so that's more than one question, but you get the overlying idea.
Question the second: Does the state recognize the two's marriage? I mean, in a time when homosexuals are demonized for wanting to get married, we're letting turtles? They're not even warm-blooded, they don't have a soul.
Question the third: Why even get DSL in the first place after Comcast? Why not just drop down to the regular modem? I guess he had to impress his toad and salamander friends that he can afford to get an upgraded internet. Goddamn superficial turtle.
I'll leave you to dwell on those three questions. That, and I don't want to look crazy or anything by rambling on incessantly. But start questioning the storylines behind these commercials, about the lives these people lead once the camera is off; it can be a lot of fun. Until we meet again.