Monday, January 29, 2007

"Veal Cutlet Come Down Tried to Beat the Shit Out of My Cup of Coffee...

...Coffee just wasn't strong enough to defend itself."

Lately I've been on a Tom Waits kick. Well, that's half true. I'm always on some kind of Tom Waits kick, but I've been playing the HELL out of Nighthawks at the Diner lately. I just love the live setting of the album, the intimacy of him playing to a small crowd, and the poetic creativity of this album, from the 'tween song banter ("I'm not weird about it, I don't tie myself up first.") to the actual songs. Tom Waits is a friggin' genius. You know this. I know this.

That's all I got. It's time to eat before 24. Talk soon.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

To the Sixth Dimension and Back

I have a phrase on my backpack. It reads, "To 42 Below and Back." I wrote that after a bottle of 42 Below vodka was broken in my backpack while spending the night in the Auckland airport. My bag, books, notebooks...everything was soaked in the sweet, sweet nectar of New Zealand's finest alcohol. It was a long night of drying everything under the hand dryer in the men's bathroom. For what my backpack went through, it was given that illustrious phrase.

After Wednesday night's experience with salvia, I feel like tattooing the subject line somewhere around my abdomen. Salvia, officially called Salvia Divinorum, is a legal psychoactive herb that comes from Mexico, and can be traced back to Mayan shamen using it for spirit journeys and the like.

Now Greg, psychoactive, you say? From something you can buy at your local head shop? Laugh away, fooligans, I thought the same thing until I got my hands on some (one of the many benefits of working for a magazine sent to smoke shops, and also working behind one, too). Well, we had done an article in Headquest back in June about the kraZiness that is Salvia, and we always have a bunch of vendors in the magazine selling the stuff, so I was curious. I kept hearing about it causing slight hallucinations, like the colors are more vibrant, textures start to move, you see the world in a different way kind of thing. It sounded like doing mushrooms, but this high peaked after five minutes and trailed off for about another hour. Whatev. They also STRESSED having a sober sitter if it's your first time trying it, which I thought was a tad overdramatic. Check the links above to read a little more about it (Don't worry, the Wikipedia article's a short read).

So like I was saying, I got my hands on some 10x extract of salvia...Purple Sticky Salvia, to be exact (but it was neither purple nor sticky, just a bunch of ground up leaves that looked like shake). My friend insisted I lead off, so I put some in a bong, as they said the smoke is hot and needs to be cooled, and I took a single hit. Granted, it was a big hit, but a single hit nonetheless. Best to play it safe and see what this salvia was all about. What happened next surprised the both of us.

I exhaled my hit, stood up and set the bong on the counter, then sat back down. The last thing I remember is drooling on my leg before blacking out. The next few minutes, what I remember, was a horrifying episode of utter blackness and fighting for my very existence. I remember hearing voices, completely forgetting where I was, and having the feeling I was in this dark cell, light years away from where I was but seconds ago. Few times I managed to break through the darkness and see flashes of my friend's apartment, and by this time I'm on my knees leaning against my friend's chair, looking at him, asking where I was and where the voices were coming from (I was told I spoke a LOT of gibberish). I was convinced that I was pleading my case to exist and my friend was the one person who helped keep me in this realm. I wish I was kidding. I can't remember the last time I was so scared. Once the blackness started to subside, I started to piece together where I was, but the visuals, including my friend's face, were horribly streched out horizontally. I'd slowly look around, trying to find familiarity, but for five mintues I was in another dimension. This I'm convinced of (I can only imagine what was going through my friend's head at the time). I'd go into more details, but I'm having trouble even talking about it, let alone writing it out.

After I came to, I still felt weird. I had The Fear. I sat down in the chair, made my friend turn off the TV, and had to sit and keep reconfirming to myself that I was here in the present. It lingered for another forty minutes, and I had this all-over body buzz, like shrooms without the visuals. I asked my friend if he wanted to try it. I think you know his answer.

I've never had a drug hit me like this before. Maybe it's because I tried a very potent mix as my first time, or maybe because I took too big of a rip, but it was unlike anything I had ever done. In looking at what I've written so far, I realize I'm rambling. I apologize, but this stuff is crazy. If I try it again, I'll be sure to half the dose and hope for a calmer peak. But for now, I'm still a bit dazed from the experience and happy to be among my fellow denizens of Earth. To the brave souls who have tried it, let me know if you've had this same trip from salvia. Until next time, have a good night, fooligans.

Friday, January 26, 2007

A Lovin Spoonful of Spoon

After looking at previous posts, I realized that I have a LOT of love for Mike Patton (not necessarily a bad thing), but not nearly enough for Spoon, a band that seems to invade every musical player I own, from car stereo to Discman to CPUs at home and work. Now I say these guys are my favorite group, but where's the love here on the blogging medium? Where, I ask you? Well, here it is. So here's some more musical goodness from Pandering to Savages, this time in the form of an amazing quartet from Austin, TX. Enjoy, I know you will.



Or for those who want a literal spoon, here you go. See, I can satisfy both sides......I have no idea what that means. Oh well, sue me, I'm drunk.

Tony Hawk Who?

A magical thing happened a few days ago: I beat my previous high score in Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3 with a score of 783,068,500 IN A SINGLE TRICK!!! I don't know how may of you have played this wonderful game, but it's probably my favorite of all time. Great game engine, soundtrack, replayability...this was by far the best in the series. Plus, if you've played this game, you'll respect the hell out of this trick, even if I used an accidental glitch to start out with 6,000,000 off a Super Hand Clap air trick. Now, I have the picture for this score on my phone, but for some reason it won't send. I know, how convenient, right? Whatev. I'll be sure to post it once my phone decides to straighten up and fly right.

Over the years I've mastered THPS3 inside and out, and luckily I have a friend I can play with who can hang with me, but this latest score just goes to show the domination of man - or Greg - over machine. Score one for the human race here. Sure, it's not quite a billion points, but it's closer than my previous high of 525,000,000. RawK!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Obligatory Mike Patton Post

It's been about two months since last we talked about a certain Michael Allan Patton (far, far too long), so why don't we drop some more musical goodness, hmm? First, we have a performance by Tomahawk, a more recent collaboration that brought forth two albums of solid rock (and a soon-to-come third album in 07...yay!). The song is "God Hates a Coward," and yes, he's singing into a gas mask.

Second is "Golem II: The Bionic Vapour Boy" by Mr. Bungle. I thought you should see the fun, charismatic interaction between Mike and his audience. That, and I've always really liked this song. I wanted to show off "Retrovertigo," but couldn't find a version of it. Oh well. Anywho, do yourself a huge musical favor and buy California today. It's one of my favorite albums, if that carries any weight with you fooligans. Alright, enough talk. Rock out!



Thursday, January 18, 2007

Me Encanta Pocoyo!

Buenos dias, amigos. I apologize for not giving my post-Mexico report yet, but I'm waiting for my sister to email me pictures of the perfection that was Ixtapa, seeing as the memory stick I bought at the airport didn't work in my camera. Oh well. Until then, however, I'd like to fill you in on something I discovered there.

It's called Pocoyo, an animated preschool program. I happened upon it flipping channels while sick in bed (bad meat), and I've fallen in love with it. Apparently it's all over Europe, along with Mexico (and I think even Japan), and both english and spanish versions are very well-made (although the voice of the spanish Pocoyo is unbearably cute). The show is about Pocoyo and his friends and the fun little adventures they get in. The other characters are Pato, a duck; Eli, a pink elephant; Lula, a dog; and various other friends who sometimes show up, like an manic octopus that talks in jibberish.

The premise of the show is really simple, and there isn't much beyond whatever props they're using (the background is a limitless white abyss like the Hyperbolic Time Chamber from DBZ). But the animation is really well done - I love their faces and the whole playful look it has - and the sounds and music work really complete the show.

Yes, I know I'm getting worked up over a show for four-year-olds, but watch and you'll agree; it's just an incredibly fun, innocent, enjoyable show. I'll start with "El Gran Estornudo" (The Big Sneeze), the first episode I saw. Following it is "Don't Touch," for those who'd like to see and hear an episode in english. After viewing these, you can visit YouTube for more. And more. Enjoy!



Wednesday, January 17, 2007

"You'll Go Over Like a Led Zeppelin."

Led Zeppelin? Hey, that's catchy. Thanks, Keith!

Yesterday marked a very important date in rock history, when on January 15, 1969, Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham released Led Zeppelin I and changed rock 'n' roll forever.

Few bands have had the effect on music like Led Zeppelin. You know this. I know this. Everyone else knows this. So instead of more of my endless praise for the greatest band ever, enjoy a live version of the closing track from I, "How Many More Times," and rock the eff out!


Friday, January 05, 2007

When the Bread Drinks Milk, It Seems to Get Drunk

I don't...I don't know. Just watch.



And finally, I read this story earlier today about an FDA-approved diet pill...FOR YOUR DOG!! I wish I was kidding. Only in America would we make a pill that helps your dog lose weight. These people have to be the worst owners in the world if you have to feed your dog a pill because you've been too lazy to walk him. See, I just watched "Super Size Me" last night for the first time and I was sickened. SICKENED! And now I read this story about the most obese nation in the world letting their pets get fat, too. Sad, just sad. I have to pack, so I'm cutting this short. Plus, I'm too mad to think of more wit to write. So goodnight again, everyone.

Right Near the Beach...Boy-ee!

That's right folks, Pandering to Savages will be on hiatus for the next week. But this isn't one of those self-depricating, "Oh no, what do I write about," pouty hiati (hiatuses? is that the right plural?). No, I'm actually going to be in Ixtapa with my mom and sister through the 14th. Should be a nice change of pace from the unseasonably cold, snowy, and icy Albuquerque weather. The one downfall: I get in late Sunday night, so I'm going to miss the 24 premiere. Luckily, I have a friend taping it, so crisis averted.

So if I wasn't already bad enough not checking in on everyone, now you'll know why I haven't all this next week. But I'll be thinking of all of you as I'm poolside while my cabana boy rubs coconut oil on my back, or as I take my short to medium walks on the beach. Talk to you all when I get back, !vaya con dios!
(Can you find Greg?)

Sunday, December 31, 2006

To the Old, Long Life and Treasure; To the Young, All Health and Pleasure.

From everyone here at Pandering to Savages, we'd like to wish you all a Happy New Year. May 2007 bring you health, joy, prosperity, and another Cardinal World Series victory.

Pop Open a Bottle of Bubbly...Here's to Another Goddamn New Year

Any excuse to mention Dismemberment Plan (may you rest in peace) is alright with the folks here at P2S. But today is extra special, because I'll be blasting "Ice of Boston" throughout the day. Sing along with the lyrics below. Rock Lang Syne!

Pop open a bottle of bubbly…yeah
Here's to another goddamn new year.
And outside, 2 million drunk Bostonians
Are getting ready to sing "Auld Lang Syne" out of tune.
I sit there in my easy chair, looking at the clouds, orange with celebration
And I wonder if you're out there.
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.
Pop open a third bottle of bubbly.
Yeah, and I take that bottle of champagne,
Go into the kitchen, stand in front of the kitchen window
And I take all my clothes off, take that bottle of champagne
And I pour it on my head, feel it cascade through my hair
And across my chest, and the phone rings
And it's my mother.
And she says "Hi honey, how's Boston?"
And I stand there, all alone on New Year's Eve,
Buck naked, drenched in champagne, looking at a bunch of strangers,
Uh, looking at them, looking at me, looking at them, and I say:
"Oh, I'm fine Mom—how's Washington?"
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time, time, time, time, yeah…
So I guess the party line is I followed you up here.
Well, I don't know about that.
Mainly because knowing about that would involve knowing some pathetic, ridiculous, and absolutely true things about myself that I'd rather not admit to right now.
Woke up at 3 a.m. with the radio on, that Gladys Knight and the Pips song on
About how she'd rather live in his world with him
Than live in her own world alone.
And I laid there, head spinning, trying to fall asleep,
And I thought to myself: "Oh, Gladys, girl, I love you but, oh—get a life!"
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

When one thinks of Albuquerque, what comes to mind? Cacti? Desert? The highest drunk driving rate in the country? Sure, all those work. How about 18 inches of snow over the last ten days?

After having six inches fall a few days before Christmas, Albuquerqueans were treated to a foot of snow that dumped on the 505 in a matter of hours. Again, I've loved it. Snowmen, snowball fights, prancing (yes, prancing) in the snow. Sure, the roads have been awful and I've almost gotten in several accidents (all their fault), but it's been great.

It will be nice to see some warm weather and sandy beaches when I go to Ixtapa with my mom and sister starting the sixth of January, but I'll enjoy this wather until then. As for you, enjoy these pictures of a rare, snow-laden Albuquerque.

(Measured after the snow stopped falling on Saturday. That's 13 inches, fooligans!)

(I absolutely LOVE snow-capped trees. So cool.)

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Which One's Clint Eastwood?

(Awkward, that's what!)
Been an eventful last few days. Here's a quick update:

The Good - It snowed in Albuquerque today. A lot. We probably had about four inches fall while I was at work. This doesn't translate well into productivity, as I spent time prancing in the snow and getting in a snowball fight with some of the people at The Zone, a neighboring smoke shop. Driving home was interesting, mostly because people freak out at the first sign of snow, and it was particularly bad today. And where the hell were the plows? Oh well, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here, and that's awesome.

The Bad - Mizzou lost tonight to Illinois by three. They had a chance to tie it up last second, but the ball got away from Stefhon Hannah on the last possesion. But I was really impressed with them. I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to watch another game, but I was glad to catch them tonight. Oh, and last week, I got stopped by the police for my fire spinning. Apparently the combination of being in a park after hours and twirling around an open flame equals the police shining their spotlight and yelling at you to leave immediately. Pricks.

The Ugly - Confused by the picture above? It's okay, I was left speechless (and a little frightened) after my first encounter with an Iz. I've actually been putting off this post about the Iz because the right words still escape me, but here goes: I first saw the Iz at my friend's house last weekend. Apparently they had picked up a Happy Meal without any idea of the abomination that lay inside. Not only do these things look horribly weird, but they made the weirdest sounds when you pushed the button in their stomach. Actually, weird doesn't begin to touch it. Freaky, mind-numbing, how-could-a-kid-want-this-and-how-did-it-pass-market-research weird. Yeah, that's more like it. Apparently these Izzes are the big toy this Christmas, as the retail version is some sort of DJ that offers more, longer beats, and the capability to plug your mp3 player into it to modify the songs. I don't know, the video on the website is some animated pap that isn't even synched up right. I had to buy a Happy Meal today just to get one of these so I could further study its habits. My Iz has a "radio tuner" on its ear, and when you turn it on, you hear feedback. Twist his ear, and this two-count funky beat comes on. It's actually a bit danceable. But still, WTF, mates?

It's the Little Things...

I received an awesome email from Austin today, and what can I say, it made me smile. Some of you may know that one Mr. Austin L. Ray writes our monthly music reviews for HQ, one of the three magazines I edit that's sent out to the smoke shop and counter-culture set. Well, the publicist for Barsuk, Menomena's record label, was tickled pink with the nature of our magazine after finding out Menomena was one of our February reviews. Here's the email:

So, Ever Kipp, the Barsuk publicist, was asking me
where my Menomena review was going to run, so I tried
to tell him what Headquest was. His response:

"Headquest eh? I look forward to picking up a copy
soon! That's great news. I'll go execute a reverse 360
stalefish in joy."

Ha!

Then, apparently he did some research on the subject
and got more stoked:

"Totally awesome. 'Headquest magazine is a venue for
companies wishing to reach the expanding smoke shop,
tattoo and body piercing markets.'"

Amazing. Thought you'd enjoy.

-ALR

Azmazing. And yes, I enjoyed.

UPDATE: I just, like, SO totally wrote a post similar to WWAW's recent contribution. Like, ohmigawd!

You Want Reviews? We got reviews.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Whetting the Appetite

Well folks, I'm off for Lubbock to watch my sister, Ali, graduate from Texas Tech. You should all visit her MySpace page here and give her your kudos. Kudo now!

But anywho, I've been enjoying the sabbatical, but I also miss posting. Very much a Catch-22, so I'll start getting back into things once I return from the weekend. Full recap, work update, maybe even some writing samplings. Who knows.

But before I leave you, here's a website for a book that looks very very funny. It's called Look at My Striped Shirt, and it explores the personas of all the people we love to hate and make fun of, such as "America Is for Americans," "High School Football Is All I Have," "Damn, My Pencil-Thin Beard Is Perfect" (an Albuquerque epidemic), and "You Can't Plinko for Shit, You Dumb Bitch!" Good stuff. Thanks Smitty.

Okay, so this is a pretty quick half-ass post, but I'm kinda tired, kinda drunk, and I need my rest before working a half day and leaving around noon. Oh, I still need to wrap my sister's present, burn a CD, and pack (do I sound important yet?). So let's continue this awesome chat Sunday. Or Monday. Or whenever. Dig? Dug.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!

Hey now, everybody, let's turn those frowns upside down. Moods seem a bit low right now, so cheer yourself up with this amazing pardoy of the Mac commercials. Boo and yah.

"PS3 vs. Wii"

Friday, December 01, 2006

I'm Still Here, Dammit!

So at first glance, you may think I'm doing a tribute to Sandra Bernhardt, but that's not the case. I just thought I'd let you know that Greg is in a creative funk right now and has been 1)too drained from deadline week to post, and 2)unsure how he wants Pandering to Savages to continue (Austin, I know how you feel). This is my 75th post, and I need some direction before I begin again. I'm thinking I may use this as a showcase of current writings, maybe more of the same random goings-on and webgems, or maybe a combination of all three. I apologize to the few of you who have enjoyed my site so far. Rest assured I will return in time, and in full force. Vaya con dios, fooligans.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Pueblo or Bust


Man I love that picture. God bless Trigger Happy TV. But anywho, I'm off to sunny Pueblo, CO, for the weekend, so I'm just killing some time here at work before I go. Have a great Thanksgiving everyone. In a world where people die of starvation everyday, there's nothing like a holiday that celebrates eating more than your stomach can possibly hold. So be gluttonous, for next month we celebrate avarice. Hey, that's two of the seven deadly sins! God bless America.

A quick aside: if you haven't visited ifilm.com lately, check it out. Looks like someone's jealous of YouTube getting bought for $1.65 billion, so they dressed up like them to see if lightning strikes twice. Too bad their new format suck-diddly-ucks. Oh well; godspeed, ifilm.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Hey Kids, It's Mike Patton!

Good morning all. I'm about to head out and help my uncle out around his shop, but before I go, I thought I'd share with you a video of Faith No More's "I Started a Joke." This is a cover of a Bee Gees song, and also further evidence of Mike Patton's eccentric creativity. You'll recognize Tim from The Office, but the real treat is watching the guy sing, especially when he hits the chorus. There is a longer version with heckling and more dialogue, but I couldn't find it. I guess this will have to do.

Other notable FNM covers: "Easy" by Lionel Ritchie, "This Guy's in Love with You" by Burt Bacharach (a recent karaoke favorite around here and a last-minute add below), "War Pigs" by Black Sabbath, and this doesn't even begin to touch upon his other groups' covers, including video game and movie themes. So enjoy, fooligans, I'm off.

"I Started a Joke"


"This Guy's in Love with You"

Thursday, November 16, 2006

They Can't All Be www.yourethemannowdog.com

Never mind that last post. Turns out I'm a sucker for high speed internet, and I decided to keep it, along with the digital cable, at the new apartment. So in celebration, I thought I'd share with you the worst the web has to offer (What can I say, I travel in good company).

I came across this article from PC World about the 25 Worst Web Sites (feeling nervous, chicagocubs.com?). I have to agree with some of these, like inmatesforyou.com, which is like eHarmony with felons (I wish I was kidding), and a CDC page for kids about rabies awareness.

What's number one, you ask? I guess you'll just have to find out, hmmmmm? Don't worry, it's well deserved. But that's all I got for now; expect fun and frivolity this weekend, and maybe even some Bernie Dexter love.

Maybe.

If you're good.