Around the Horn, Part One - Infield: Man, Those Corners Are Hottt!

I've been putting this post off, not wanting to start getting giddy about the Cardinals too early. But now with pitchers and catchers reporting, I think it's time. *glee* Well, that, and I've joined a group called MLB Bloggers, so I guess I should try posting some baseball goodness.

So with Spring Training a little more than ten days away, and the first game of their repeat Championship season beginning on April 3 against the Mets (which reminds me, I need to buy my MLB.TV pass), I think it's time we get familiar with our Redbirds, so let's go around the horn:

Fitst, let's look at the infield.

1B - Albert Pujols - What is there to say about Albert Pujols that hasn't already been said about the bomb we dropped on Hiroshima? After winning his first Gold Glove last year, along with a .331 avg, 49 HR, 177 hits, and 137 RBI, Albert continues to get better with each year, if that was still possible. With him signed through 2010, who knows, Cardinal fans may see him hit 100 HR in a season. Okay, maybe not, but this perennial MVP candidate really is the cat's meow.
2B - Adam Kennedy - Eckstein's teammate from the Angels when they won the World Series,
Kennedy was signed for a three-year deal with the Cardinals, bringing chemsitry and familiarity to the double-play combination. In year's past, the Cardinals have had a bit of a merry-go-round at second base, but still continued to execute a decent number of double plays, ringing in 170 last year. Look for that number to increase if Kennedy becomes a fixture at second. With numbers of .273, 123 hits, and 55 RBI, he should provide a decent bat in the lineup, wherever he's placed (we'll see how spring goes).
SS - David Eckstein - I'm sure Mr. Eckstein has looked stylish speeding down 270 and 40 in his new Corvette, the gift for being last year's World Series MVP. And he earned it. A sentimental favorite for the Cardinals, Eckstein plays with all his heart, hustling every play and not afraid to sacrifice his body. As a leadoff man, he can get on base. With only 41 Ks last year, along with a .350 OBP and .292 avg., he gives the rest of the lineup a chance to make plays and move him around the bases. Defensively, while he doesn't have the strongest arm, he has a wide range for a small player. With Adam Kennedy at second, look for the two to have a solid defensive year. And look for Eckstein to hit above .300 this year.
3B - Scott Rolen - And we come to the hottest of corners, Scott Rolen. Winning his seventh Gold Glove and in the running for Comeback Player of the Year in '06, Rolen had a great seaon, hitting .296, with 22 HR, 95 RBI, and 48 doubles. If he stays healthy, the Cardinals have the best corner tandem, bar none. Scottifer has always been one of my favorites, and watching him make diving catches, throwing from his knees, and throwing runners out at first while doing handstands, we're watching probably the best defensive third baseman, and maybe the best overall, of our generation. Injuries aside, look for another Gold Glove from Mr. Rolen and hopefully a little more offensive output. Of course, should he or Pujols go down or need rest, Scott Spiezio and his mighty red soul patch can fill their spot in a pinch (but more on him and the rest of the benchies later).
C - Jadier Molina - After the Cardinals let Mike Matheney go to the Giants, I was quite sad. Matheney was a defensive force behind the plate, but instead they bring in this Jadier Wholina? Oh wait, did he just throw a guy out at first who wasn't paying attention? Oh snap! Seriously, I had never seen that before until Molina and his rocket arm squatted behind home. This man keeps baserunners honest, allowing only 39 stolen bases and catching 27 would-be theives last year. Okay sure, he had a forgettable offensive regular season, but for those who watched the postseason, they saw a Molina reborn. With a CLUTCH homer in Game 7 against the Mets and a huge .358 avg. throughout the playoffs, the entire city of St. Louis hopes that momentum carries over into 2007. But even if the bat is slow to start, expect Molina to continue to anchor the team with his solid catching. With another strong Cardinal lineup, he can disappear for a while and get away with it.

Well, that's all I got for now. Stay tuned in the next few days as I tackle the outfield and pitching staff, and maybe even some of the bench players (why not?).

April 3. I can't wait. I may go watch Game 5 from the WS now, just to start getting in the mood. GO CARDINALS!!!

This Peanut Butter Will Kill You!

Oh sure, it may look innocent and unassuming, but lying within its plastic container lies an extra-large serving of salmonella, rat poison, arsenic, and I think even a trace of Hitler's blood. Bad stuff.

Don't believe me? Well just ask Con Agra Foods:

Peter Pan Peanut Butter and Great Value Peanut Butter Products Beginning with Product Code 2111 Recalled for Possible Salmonella Contamination.

And here, as further proof of my proximity to this potentially fatal concoction of buttered peanut, is the lid of the above jar of peanut butter. You should be happy I lived to tell the tale.

(spooky, huh?)

Ain't No Party Like a Communist Party...

Cuz a Communist Party don't stop!

I'm sure that song was HUGE in 1988. Anywho, I found this while surfing Comrade Patrick's MySpace page and I hearted it mucho. And now it's here for you to enjoy. One question: do they share the alcohol equally? Because Mao looks like a boozehound. Just my thoughts.

Hail to the King, Baby

I had the day off work last Wednesday. Due to some faulty wiring, electricians had to spend the day getting us back up to code before one of us fried ourselves while warming up our coffee in the microwave. Thank the gods I'm still here.

You'll be glad to know I spent the day being completely unproductive. Save an early trip to the gym, I don't think I did much more than play Madden, write a little, and watch movies. But one of the movies I watched was one I had meant to get to for awhile, starring the super-chinned and super-awesome Bruce Campbell.

The movie was Bubba Ho-Tep, and for those who are unfamiliar with it, the premise is that an aged Elvis is living out his days in an East Texas rest home and must battle a 3000-year-old mummy who is preying on the souls of the home's residents. Oh, and a black JFK helps him along the way. The movie pretty much writes itself.

Bruce Campbell is great in this movie about what Elvis has really been doing these last 30 years and how he ended up where he did. And for those who have watched, and subsequently enjoyed, Bubba Ho-Tep, you may have heard they're coming out with a prequel: Bubba Nosferatu and the Curse of the She Vampires, which finds Elvis shooting a film in Louisiana before happening upon a coven of she-vampires. Cinematic gold. Here's the trailer to the Bubba Ho-Tep for a better idea of what I'm talking about.



And for more Bruce Campbell lub, head over to Error 204 for a couple of fun posts, including an Old Spice commercial with one of the coolest paintings ever.

It's a Trick, Get an Axe
Bruce Campbell Has It

The Great, Grand, Glorious YouTube Debut

And we net a profit of $200. Sweet deal for two hours of work.

Many of you got either an email or bulletin today from me about a video my friend Eric and I did for a contest from the CW, a local TV station. He had to make a commercial promoting The King of Queens, possibly winning a trip to L.A. to view a taping and meet the cast. Now myself, I've never really watched the show, but my friend LOVES it. As do the Germans, so I'm told. Hence, the horrible accents.

I do apologize for the rushed nature with which you received the message. Apparently the contest ended at 5:00 today and the video wasn't put on there until around noon. So we had to get the word out, and I did the best I could while at work. What can I say, y'all came through.

Thanks to everyone who visited it/promoted it/passesd it along. With your visits we won the $200 runner-up prize. Sadly, we won't be going to L.A., but I promise the money will be used on only the finest booze and hookers Albuquerque has to offer (although I was looking forward to making out with Leah Renimi).

And for those (un?)fortunate souls who missed the silliness, here it is for your viewing pleasure.

This Is What It Feels Like When Red Corvettes Cry Purple Rain in 1999 While Going Crazy and Wearing Seven Raspberry Berets.

Whew. I could go on, but you get the point. Anywho...

Well fooligans, I was right. Kinda. But if I had made a bet yesterday, I would have lost, because I thought the Bears would lose but cover the spread. Little did I know Rex Grossman freaks out at the sight of rain. Okay, that’s unfair, he had a pretty decent game, but the Bears offense was too afraid to make big plays down the field. Once Devin Hester ran that kick back in the opening seconds (which was awesome), it seemed the Bears were content to just to sit back and play small ball. And where was Brian Urlacher during the second half?

I'm sure you all watched the game, no need to rehash. Besides, you can read and watch highlights ad nauseous on ESPN/SI/CBS Sports/Sporting News/etc. Plus, I didn’t really care who won, but I was happy to see the Colts hoist the trophy, there are a lot of players on there I really like (Peyton, Harrison, Bob Sanders, Dwight Freeney…).

But the show I was looking forward to seeing was Prince’s halftime show. Okay, it’s not the same Prince who oozed ambiguous sex back in the late 80s, but being a big Prince fan, I was looking forward to the halftime show, which I think is the first time…well, ever. I don’t know if any of you saw the Rolling Stones wheeze their way through the halftime show last year, but it truly was a sad sight. And people pay hundreds of dollars to see these geriatrics attempt to rock.

But I digress. Prince. Rocked. Damn. He crammed a bunch of good music into a short time, leading off with “Let’s Go Crazy,” "Baby, I'm a Star," and inserting parts of “Proud Mary," "All Along the Watchtower," and "Best of You," before finishing with “Purple Rain” in the middle of pouring rain. Very cool. I was hoping one of the dancers (who were taller than Prince, but that’s not hard to do) would slip on the stage and eat it on national TV, but alas, they kept their footing. I still really liked the show, though. Even in the rain, Prince sounded great and played the hell out of his guitar. Rock.

And for those who flipped to the Lingerie Bowl, Puppy Bowl, or found something productive to do during halftime, here it is, in two-part harmony (which is odd, but all I could find. meh.). Enjoy.

Super Bowl. Puppy Bowl.

Who ya got?

Tomorrow's the big game and probably the biggest unofficial holiday in America. Personally, I lost a lot of excitement once the Chargers lost, but I think this is shaping up to be a good game. With the Colts offense and the Bears defense, it really hinges on which team shows up tomorrow. It can go either way, but I like the Colts. Not by much, but I think Peyton will find a way to squeak past that swarming Chicago defense. Granted, I watched Chicago come back against the Cardinals solely due to their defense, but that was against the Cardinals. I just hope it will be a good game: not a big blowout, but not another repeat of the Colts-Ravens divisional (15-6. Woo.).

But the game I can't wait to watch is happening at the same time on Animal Planet (but they'll be showing it all day long, I'm sure). I speak, of course, about Puppy Bowl III. Yes, you read it right. I watched this last year after I was flipping around the channels post-game. For those with no prior knowledge of Puppy Bowl, it's three hours of puppies playing in a small play area painted up as a stadium, set to light, childish music. That's it. Three hours. Puppies playing.

Oh, and every now and then a referee comes in and throws flags for penalties, like if a puppy bites another puppy's ear, or if he poops on the playing field, and there's also a camera in the water bowl so you can watch a puppy refresh itself. Three hours of this. Then a repeat.

Give it a watch; I kept going back to it last year, just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating and actually seeing three hours of puppies playing. I'll probably do the same this year. You can also go to the website and vote for your MVP. Personally, my money is on the chow. Sure, she's cute, but underneath that hairy facade lies the heart of a warrior. I can feel it. Enjoy the games everyone.

"Veal Cutlet Come Down Tried to Beat the Shit Out of My Cup of Coffee...

...Coffee just wasn't strong enough to defend itself."

Lately I've been on a Tom Waits kick. Well, that's half true. I'm always on some kind of Tom Waits kick, but I've been playing the HELL out of Nighthawks at the Diner lately. I just love the live setting of the album, the intimacy of him playing to a small crowd, and the poetic creativity of this album, from the 'tween song banter ("I'm not weird about it, I don't tie myself up first.") to the actual songs. Tom Waits is a friggin' genius. You know this. I know this.

That's all I got. It's time to eat before 24. Talk soon.

To the Sixth Dimension and Back

I have a phrase on my backpack. It reads, "To 42 Below and Back." I wrote that after a bottle of 42 Below vodka was broken in my backpack while spending the night in the Auckland airport. My bag, books, notebooks...everything was soaked in the sweet, sweet nectar of New Zealand's finest alcohol. It was a long night of drying everything under the hand dryer in the men's bathroom. For what my backpack went through, it was given that illustrious phrase.

After Wednesday night's experience with salvia, I feel like tattooing the subject line somewhere around my abdomen. Salvia, officially called Salvia Divinorum, is a legal psychoactive herb that comes from Mexico, and can be traced back to Mayan shamen using it for spirit journeys and the like.

Now Greg, psychoactive, you say? From something you can buy at your local head shop? Laugh away, fooligans, I thought the same thing until I got my hands on some (one of the many benefits of working for a magazine sent to smoke shops, and also working behind one, too). Well, we had done an article in Headquest back in June about the kraZiness that is Salvia, and we always have a bunch of vendors in the magazine selling the stuff, so I was curious. I kept hearing about it causing slight hallucinations, like the colors are more vibrant, textures start to move, you see the world in a different way kind of thing. It sounded like doing mushrooms, but this high peaked after five minutes and trailed off for about another hour. Whatev. They also STRESSED having a sober sitter if it's your first time trying it, which I thought was a tad overdramatic. Check the links above to read a little more about it (Don't worry, the Wikipedia article's a short read).

So like I was saying, I got my hands on some 10x extract of salvia...Purple Sticky Salvia, to be exact (but it was neither purple nor sticky, just a bunch of ground up leaves that looked like shake). My friend insisted I lead off, so I put some in a bong, as they said the smoke is hot and needs to be cooled, and I took a single hit. Granted, it was a big hit, but a single hit nonetheless. Best to play it safe and see what this salvia was all about. What happened next surprised the both of us.

I exhaled my hit, stood up and set the bong on the counter, then sat back down. The last thing I remember is drooling on my leg before blacking out. The next few minutes, what I remember, was a horrifying episode of utter blackness and fighting for my very existence. I remember hearing voices, completely forgetting where I was, and having the feeling I was in this dark cell, light years away from where I was but seconds ago. Few times I managed to break through the darkness and see flashes of my friend's apartment, and by this time I'm on my knees leaning against my friend's chair, looking at him, asking where I was and where the voices were coming from (I was told I spoke a LOT of gibberish). I was convinced that I was pleading my case to exist and my friend was the one person who helped keep me in this realm. I wish I was kidding. I can't remember the last time I was so scared. Once the blackness started to subside, I started to piece together where I was, but the visuals, including my friend's face, were horribly streched out horizontally. I'd slowly look around, trying to find familiarity, but for five mintues I was in another dimension. This I'm convinced of (I can only imagine what was going through my friend's head at the time). I'd go into more details, but I'm having trouble even talking about it, let alone writing it out.

After I came to, I still felt weird. I had The Fear. I sat down in the chair, made my friend turn off the TV, and had to sit and keep reconfirming to myself that I was here in the present. It lingered for another forty minutes, and I had this all-over body buzz, like shrooms without the visuals. I asked my friend if he wanted to try it. I think you know his answer.

I've never had a drug hit me like this before. Maybe it's because I tried a very potent mix as my first time, or maybe because I took too big of a rip, but it was unlike anything I had ever done. In looking at what I've written so far, I realize I'm rambling. I apologize, but this stuff is crazy. If I try it again, I'll be sure to half the dose and hope for a calmer peak. But for now, I'm still a bit dazed from the experience and happy to be among my fellow denizens of Earth. To the brave souls who have tried it, let me know if you've had this same trip from salvia. Until next time, have a good night, fooligans.

A Lovin Spoonful of Spoon

After looking at previous posts, I realized that I have a LOT of love for Mike Patton (not necessarily a bad thing), but not nearly enough for Spoon, a band that seems to invade every musical player I own, from car stereo to Discman to CPUs at home and work. Now I say these guys are my favorite group, but where's the love here on the blogging medium? Where, I ask you? Well, here it is. So here's some more musical goodness from Pandering to Savages, this time in the form of an amazing quartet from Austin, TX. Enjoy, I know you will.



Or for those who want a literal spoon, here you go. See, I can satisfy both sides......I have no idea what that means. Oh well, sue me, I'm drunk.

Tony Hawk Who?

A magical thing happened a few days ago: I beat my previous high score in Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3 with a score of 783,068,500 IN A SINGLE TRICK!!! I don't know how may of you have played this wonderful game, but it's probably my favorite of all time. Great game engine, soundtrack, replayability...this was by far the best in the series. Plus, if you've played this game, you'll respect the hell out of this trick, even if I used an accidental glitch to start out with 6,000,000 off a Super Hand Clap air trick. Now, I have the picture for this score on my phone, but for some reason it won't send. I know, how convenient, right? Whatev. I'll be sure to post it once my phone decides to straighten up and fly right.

Over the years I've mastered THPS3 inside and out, and luckily I have a friend I can play with who can hang with me, but this latest score just goes to show the domination of man - or Greg - over machine. Score one for the human race here. Sure, it's not quite a billion points, but it's closer than my previous high of 525,000,000. RawK!

Obligatory Mike Patton Post

It's been about two months since last we talked about a certain Michael Allan Patton (far, far too long), so why don't we drop some more musical goodness, hmm? First, we have a performance by Tomahawk, a more recent collaboration that brought forth two albums of solid rock (and a soon-to-come third album in 07...yay!). The song is "God Hates a Coward," and yes, he's singing into a gas mask.

Second is "Golem II: The Bionic Vapour Boy" by Mr. Bungle. I thought you should see the fun, charismatic interaction between Mike and his audience. That, and I've always really liked this song. I wanted to show off "Retrovertigo," but couldn't find a version of it. Oh well. Anywho, do yourself a huge musical favor and buy California today. It's one of my favorite albums, if that carries any weight with you fooligans. Alright, enough talk. Rock out!

Me Encanta Pocoyo!

Buenos dias, amigos. I apologize for not giving my post-Mexico report yet, but I'm waiting for my sister to email me pictures of the perfection that was Ixtapa, seeing as the memory stick I bought at the airport didn't work in my camera. Oh well. Until then, however, I'd like to fill you in on something I discovered there.

It's called Pocoyo, an animated preschool program. I happened upon it flipping channels while sick in bed (bad meat), and I've fallen in love with it. Apparently it's all over Europe, along with Mexico (and I think even Japan), and both english and spanish versions are very well-made (although the voice of the spanish Pocoyo is unbearably cute). The show is about Pocoyo and his friends and the fun little adventures they get in. The other characters are Pato, a duck; Eli, a pink elephant; Lula, a dog; and various other friends who sometimes show up, like an manic octopus that talks in jibberish.

The premise of the show is really simple, and there isn't much beyond whatever props they're using (the background is a limitless white abyss like the Hyperbolic Time Chamber from DBZ). But the animation is really well done - I love their faces and the whole playful look it has - and the sounds and music work really complete the show.

Yes, I know I'm getting worked up over a show for four-year-olds, but watch and you'll agree; it's just an incredibly fun, innocent, enjoyable show. I'll start with "El Gran Estornudo" (The Big Sneeze), the first episode I saw. Following it is "Don't Touch," for those who'd like to see and hear an episode in english. After viewing these, you can visit YouTube for more. And more. Enjoy!

"You'll Go Over Like a Led Zeppelin."

Led Zeppelin? Hey, that's catchy. Thanks, Keith!

Yesterday marked a very important date in rock history, when on January 15, 1969, Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham released Led Zeppelin I and changed rock 'n' roll forever.

Few bands have had the effect on music like Led Zeppelin. You know this. I know this. Everyone else knows this. So instead of more of my endless praise for the greatest band ever, enjoy a live version of the closing track from I, "How Many More Times," and rock the eff out!

When the Bread Drinks Milk, It Seems to Get Drunk

I don't...I don't know. Just watch.



And finally, I read this story earlier today about an FDA-approved diet pill...FOR YOUR DOG!! I wish I was kidding. Only in America would we make a pill that helps your dog lose weight. These people have to be the worst owners in the world if you have to feed your dog a pill because you've been too lazy to walk him. See, I just watched "Super Size Me" last night for the first time and I was sickened. SICKENED! And now I read this story about the most obese nation in the world letting their pets get fat, too. Sad, just sad. I have to pack, so I'm cutting this short. Plus, I'm too mad to think of more wit to write. So goodnight again, everyone.

Right Near the Beach...Boy-ee!

That's right folks, Pandering to Savages will be on hiatus for the next week. But this isn't one of those self-depricating, "Oh no, what do I write about," pouty hiati (hiatuses? is that the right plural?). No, I'm actually going to be in Ixtapa with my mom and sister through the 14th. Should be a nice change of pace from the unseasonably cold, snowy, and icy Albuquerque weather. The one downfall: I get in late Sunday night, so I'm going to miss the 24 premiere. Luckily, I have a friend taping it, so crisis averted.

So if I wasn't already bad enough not checking in on everyone, now you'll know why I haven't all this next week. But I'll be thinking of all of you as I'm poolside while my cabana boy rubs coconut oil on my back, or as I take my short to medium walks on the beach. Talk to you all when I get back, !vaya con dios!

(Can you find Greg?)

To the Old, Long Life and Treasure; To the Young, All Health and Pleasure.

From everyone here at Pandering to Savages, we'd like to wish you all a Happy New Year. May 2007 bring you health, joy, prosperity, and another Cardinal World Series victory.

Pop Open a Bottle of Bubbly...Here's to Another Goddamn New Year

Any excuse to mention Dismemberment Plan (may you rest in peace) is alright with the folks here at P2S. But today is extra special, because I'll be blasting "Ice of Boston" throughout the day. Sing along with the lyrics below. Rock Lang Syne!

Pop open a bottle of bubbly…yeah
Here's to another goddamn new year.
And outside, 2 million drunk Bostonians
Are getting ready to sing "Auld Lang Syne" out of tune.
I sit there in my easy chair, looking at the clouds, orange with celebration
And I wonder if you're out there.
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.
Pop open a third bottle of bubbly.
Yeah, and I take that bottle of champagne,
Go into the kitchen, stand in front of the kitchen window
And I take all my clothes off, take that bottle of champagne
And I pour it on my head, feel it cascade through my hair
And across my chest, and the phone rings
And it's my mother.
And she says "Hi honey, how's Boston?"
And I stand there, all alone on New Year's Eve,
Buck naked, drenched in champagne, looking at a bunch of strangers,
Uh, looking at them, looking at me, looking at them, and I say:
"Oh, I'm fine Mom—how's Washington?"
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time, time, time, time, yeah…
So I guess the party line is I followed you up here.
Well, I don't know about that.
Mainly because knowing about that would involve knowing some pathetic, ridiculous, and absolutely true things about myself that I'd rather not admit to right now.
Woke up at 3 a.m. with the radio on, that Gladys Knight and the Pips song on
About how she'd rather live in his world with him
Than live in her own world alone.
And I laid there, head spinning, trying to fall asleep,
And I thought to myself: "Oh, Gladys, girl, I love you but, oh—get a life!"
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.
Hey! the ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

When one thinks of Albuquerque, what comes to mind? Cacti? Desert? The highest drunk driving rate in the country? Sure, all those work. How about 18 inches of snow over the last ten days?

After having six inches fall a few days before Christmas, Albuquerqueans were treated to a foot of snow that dumped on the 505 in a matter of hours. Again, I've loved it. Snowmen, snowball fights, prancing (yes, prancing) in the snow. Sure, the roads have been awful and I've almost gotten in several accidents (all their fault), but it's been great.

It will be nice to see some warm weather and sandy beaches when I go to Ixtapa with my mom and sister starting the sixth of January, but I'll enjoy this wather until then. As for you, enjoy these pictures of a rare, snow-laden Albuquerque.

(Measured after the snow stopped falling on Saturday. That's 13 inches, fooligans!)

(I absolutely LOVE snow-capped trees. So cool.)

Which One's Clint Eastwood?

(Awkward, that's what!)

Been an eventful last few days. Here's a quick update:

The Good - It snowed in Albuquerque today. A lot. We probably had about four inches fall while I was at work. This doesn't translate well into productivity, as I spent time prancing in the snow and getting in a snowball fight with some of the people at The Zone, a neighboring smoke shop. Driving home was interesting, mostly because people freak out at the first sign of snow, and it was particularly bad today. And where the hell were the plows? Oh well, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here, and that's awesome.

The Bad - Mizzou lost tonight to Illinois by three. They had a chance to tie it up last second, but the ball got away from Stefhon Hannah on the last possesion. But I was really impressed with them. I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to watch another game, but I was glad to catch them tonight. Oh, and last week, I got stopped by the police for my fire spinning. Apparently the combination of being in a park after hours and twirling around an open flame equals the police shining their spotlight and yelling at you to leave immediately. Pricks.

The Ugly - Confused by the picture above? It's okay, I was left speechless (and a little frightened) after my first encounter with an Iz. I've actually been putting off this post about the Iz because the right words still escape me, but here goes: I first saw the Iz at my friend's house last weekend. Apparently they had picked up a Happy Meal without any idea of the abomination that lay inside. Not only do these things look horribly weird, but they made the weirdest sounds when you pushed the button in their stomach. Actually, weird doesn't begin to touch it. Freaky, mind-numbing, how-could-a-kid-want-this-and-how-did-it-pass-market-research weird. Yeah, that's more like it. Apparently these Izzes are the big toy this Christmas, as the retail version is some sort of DJ that offers more, longer beats, and the capability to plug your mp3 player into it to modify the songs. I don't know, the video on the website is some animated pap that isn't even synched up right. I had to buy a Happy Meal today just to get one of these so I could further study its habits. My Iz has a "radio tuner" on its ear, and when you turn it on, you hear feedback. Twist his ear, and this two-count funky beat comes on. It's actually a bit danceable. But still, WTF, mates?

It's the Little Things...

I received an awesome email from Austin today, and what can I say, it made me smile. Some of you may know that one Mr. Austin L. Ray writes our monthly music reviews for HQ, one of the three magazines I edit that's sent out to the smoke shop and counter-culture set. Well, the publicist for Barsuk, Menomena's record label, was tickled pink with the nature of our magazine after finding out Menomena was one of our February reviews. Here's the email:

So, Ever Kipp, the Barsuk publicist, was asking me
where my Menomena review was going to run, so I tried
to tell him what Headquest was. His response:

"Headquest eh? I look forward to picking up a copy
soon! That's great news. I'll go execute a reverse 360
stalefish in joy."

Ha!

Then, apparently he did some research on the subject
and got more stoked:

"Totally awesome. 'Headquest magazine is a venue for
companies wishing to reach the expanding smoke shop,
tattoo and body piercing markets.'"

Amazing. Thought you'd enjoy.

-ALR

Azmazing. And yes, I enjoyed.

UPDATE: I just, like, SO totally wrote a post similar to WWAW's recent contribution. Like, ohmigawd!

You Want Reviews? We got reviews.

Whetting the Appetite

Well folks, I'm off for Lubbock to watch my sister, Ali, graduate from Texas Tech. You should all visit her MySpace page here and give her your kudos. Kudo now!

But anywho, I've been enjoying the sabbatical, but I also miss posting. Very much a Catch-22, so I'll start getting back into things once I return from the weekend. Full recap, work update, maybe even some writing samplings. Who knows.

But before I leave you, here's a website for a book that looks very very funny. It's called Look at My Striped Shirt, and it explores the personas of all the people we love to hate and make fun of, such as "America Is for Americans," "High School Football Is All I Have," "Damn, My Pencil-Thin Beard Is Perfect" (an Albuquerque epidemic), and "You Can't Plinko for Shit, You Dumb Bitch!" Good stuff. Thanks Smitty.

Okay, so this is a pretty quick half-ass post, but I'm kinda tired, kinda drunk, and I need my rest before working a half day and leaving around noon. Oh, I still need to wrap my sister's present, burn a CD, and pack (do I sound important yet?). So let's continue this awesome chat Sunday. Or Monday. Or whenever. Dig? Dug.

I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!

Hey now, everybody, let's turn those frowns upside down. Moods seem a bit low right now, so cheer yourself up with this amazing pardoy of the Mac commercials. Boo and yah.

"PS3 vs. Wii"

I'm Still Here, Dammit!

So at first glance, you may think I'm doing a tribute to Sandra Bernhardt, but that's not the case. I just thought I'd let you know that Greg is in a creative funk right now and has been 1)too drained from deadline week to post, and 2)unsure how he wants Pandering to Savages to continue (Austin, I know how you feel). This is my 75th post, and I need some direction before I begin again. I'm thinking I may use this as a showcase of current writings, maybe more of the same random goings-on and webgems, or maybe a combination of all three. I apologize to the few of you who have enjoyed my site so far. Rest assured I will return in time, and in full force. Vaya con dios, fooligans.

Pueblo or Bust

Man I love that picture. God bless Trigger Happy TV. But anywho, I'm off to sunny Pueblo, CO, for the weekend, so I'm just killing some time here at work before I go. Have a great Thanksgiving everyone. In a world where people die of starvation everyday, there's nothing like a holiday that celebrates eating more than your stomach can possibly hold. So be gluttonous, for next month we celebrate avarice. Hey, that's two of the seven deadly sins! God bless America.

A quick aside: if you haven't visited ifilm.com lately, check it out. Looks like someone's jealous of YouTube getting bought for $1.65 billion, so they dressed up like them to see if lightning strikes twice. Too bad their new format suck-diddly-ucks. Oh well; godspeed, ifilm.

Hey Kids, It's Mike Patton!

Good morning all. I'm about to head out and help my uncle out around his shop, but before I go, I thought I'd share with you a video of Faith No More's "I Started a Joke." This is a cover of a Bee Gees song, and also further evidence of Mike Patton's eccentric creativity. You'll recognize Tim from The Office, but the real treat is watching the guy sing, especially when he hits the chorus. There is a longer version with heckling and more dialogue, but I couldn't find it. I guess this will have to do.

Other notable FNM covers: "Easy" by Lionel Ritchie, "This Guy's in Love with You" by Burt Bacharach (a recent karaoke favorite around here and a last-minute add below), "War Pigs" by Black Sabbath, and this doesn't even begin to touch upon his other groups' covers, including video game and movie themes. So enjoy, fooligans, I'm off.

"I Started a Joke"

"This Guy's in Love with You"

They Can't All Be www.yourethemannowdog.com

Never mind that last post. Turns out I'm a sucker for high speed internet, and I decided to keep it, along with the digital cable, at the new apartment. So in celebration, I thought I'd share with you the worst the web has to offer (What can I say, I travel in good company).

I came across this article from PC World about the 25 Worst Web Sites (feeling nervous, chicagocubs.com?). I have to agree with some of these, like inmatesforyou.com, which is like eHarmony with felons (I wish I was kidding), and a CDC page for kids about rabies awareness.

What's number one, you ask? I guess you'll just have to find out, hmmmmm? Don't worry, it's well deserved. But that's all I got for now; expect fun and frivolity this weekend, and maybe even some Bernie Dexter love.

Maybe.

If you're good.

Good Night, and Good Luck

Well, this may be the last post in a while, as I'm moving out of my house tomorrow. I'm still debating over getting the interweb, wondering if I can find a six-month contract for high-speed. I haven't done any searching, but I generally thought they only do year contracts. Rest assured I'll still be leaving my mark on everyone's post, what else is work for? Looks like I'll be visiting the library more, too, which I guess is probably a good thing; I'd like another book to read. I just finished World War Z, and it was awesome. Thanks to the good folks at Crowdpleaser for that one. Oh, and I saw Borat last night. Wow. I was shocked and awed, to say the least. There's too much I could write about ("She's laid a Jew egg!") and I still have packing to do, so it will have to wait for another day. Have a good night, fooligans.

Oh Shit, The People Actually Bought It. Now What?

Okay Democrats, you finally won control of both the House and (possibly) the Senate, what happens now?

This is about what I was thinking as I went to bed last night. But before I go all Debbie Downer on you, the Deomcarats won! Finally! It only took six years of ineptitude for the American public to wise up. Frankly, I couldn't be happier right now, especially with Rumsfeld on the street. I hope this is the beginning of something good for our country.

Probably the person I'm happiest to see gone is Rick Gayanaldischarge (R-PA), who was voted out with authority. But really, this is just one of many that I could bring up. With Nancy Pelosi coming in as Speaker of the House, it will be very interesting to see how the Democrats handle the first few months: what they introduce, how fast they jump into things, what kind of plan(s) do they really have? They've spent all this time decrying the Republicans and their agenda, now it's time to see if they were just all talk.

And of course, Donny Rumsfeld will soon be no more, which isn't very surprising. With all the people calling for Rumsfeld to step down and the quagmire in Iraq, I don't think Bush has a choice right now. The American people have clearly spoken, they want a new direction within our borders and in Iraq. That wouldn't happen with Rummy still Defense Secretary. But I will miss his circular logic.

Finally, some quick asides.
-My friend Harold Davis didn't get elected Bernalillo County Commissioner, which is too bad because I was looking forward to getting some croneistic kickbacks. I'll be going out ot lunch with him tomorow.
-Also, to the state of Missouri: Congratulations, you guys were awesome yesterday. Yes, Claire McCaskill beat out Jim Talent, but I was also paying close attention to the state amendments. First, Amendment 2, which protects any federally allowed stem cell research in the state, passed. Sure, it was by the slimmest of margins, but for a state nestled comfortably in the Bible Belt, this is a big achievment, both on a scientific and symbolic level. Second, you voted to raise the minimum wage to $6.50, and will be adjusted every year for inflation and buying power. Yes, the federal minimum wage may shortly go up, but you beat them to the punch. Kudos. Third, you voted down an 80 cent hike on cigarette prices. Personally, I would have voted for it and I'm a smoker. Missouri has the lowest cigarette prices in the nation, an extra 80 cents can do a lot of good in a lot of places. If we're going to tax anything, tax our vices. Weed. Prostitution. Those should be legalized and taxed out the ass, too (although the former was voted down for legalization in Vegas. In time, dear weed...in time).

That's all I got for now. Time to pack and play some Marvel Ultimate Alliance. Oh hell yeah. God Bless America!

I Am No Good at Weddings

Greetings everyone, I apologize for the lack of posts recently. I had meant to update everyone yesterday with last weekend's goings-on, but around 4pm that day, I got a call from the apartments I was moving into on Friday, and they told me I had been rejected. Apparently I make too much money to fit their Affordable Housing requirements. Huh? Two things: 1) You could have let me know more than 72 hours before I have to be out of my house, and 2) you don't drop your rent to pander to the lower-income families, so I guess you're just scamming the system to get whatever government handouts you receive for being under Affordable Housing. Dicks. Well, Tuesday was very hectic with me running all over town, and when I got home, I proceeded to get drunk and watch election coverage (more on that later). But today I found a place to move into, and I'll be Dolly Madison for the move on Friday, so that's a relief. Aaaaaaaaannnyway, onto last weekend in St. Louis.

This was one of the best weddings I ever remember attending. From the ceremony, to the reception, the friends I hadn't seen for far too long (about 3 or 4 years for one), and the shenanigans after the reception, this was mucho divertido. I wish I had pictures, but they won't be ready until Friday. Stupid Wal-Mart.

At the ceremony, I actually found myself quelling a tear or two as Phil and Jessica were exchanging vows. You probably would have done the same, listening to the love in their voices as they tried not to cry with these huge smiles on their faces. Aww, listen to me, I'm sounding so horribly Hallmark.

Then the reception, held at some Anheuser-Busch conference center. Beer flowed like wine, the arrangements were very well done, the food was awesome(prime rib AND chicken...la di da), and it was a pretty decent turnout. Sorry, I could go into more detail, but I still have another post after this and I could really let this get away from me. You'll thank me later, if you aren't thanking me now. But we danced and drank well into the night. When they finally shut the place down around 11:30 or so (I think), we headed back to the hotel. This is where Jeff Wussler had a stroke of genius.

Jeff was a groomsman, so he had a tux on. While we were drinking in our room, he tells me he wants to go out and show off the tux, because how often can you go to a bar looking that snazzy? I wasn't looking too shabby myself, so I decided to join him. On the way, he tells we should act like he just got left at the altar today and see what happens. So we get to That One Place and sit at the bar. Jeff plays it off perfectly. He looks like he's fighting between rage and tears, and I'm trying to solace him. I also take his phone when he acts like he's calling her. I tell the bartender what heppened and that he needs something strong to pick him up. We each get a Jaeger bomb, and they tell us they're on the house. Jeff supresses a smile and we take our drinks. He starts talking to the bartender and other patrons and I get us two beers (again, on the house). God bless that kid. Everyone felt really bad for him...I guess no one would even to think to question a story like that, who would make something like that up anyway? Jeff Wussler, that's who, and that's why I love the guy. POST OVER!!

Smell Ya Later

About off to St. Louis this weekend for le wedding. I wish I could have been in town last week for Game 5, but I'm sure the town is still in good spirits over their World Champions.

In other baseball-related news, we won our first softball game last night, finishing 1-9 for the fall league. Combine the eight games I played with the 15 from summer league, and that makes my softball total for 2006 a whopping 1-22. Whoo. And yet, I'll miss it. What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment.

We'll talk when we get back, yes? I promise no prescription drug abuse this weekend, but still lots of fun, drunken tomfoolery. Oh yes. While you wait impatiently for my return this weekend, here's a song that's been in my head for the last few days. "She's a Woman" by The Beatles. I heard it on the radio on the way to work Wednesday, and I can't stop singing it. In fact, I just watched it after posting it here. ENJOY IT!



Boo and yah, fooligans. Have a great weekend.

Dear Farscape,

You're awesome.

Love,
Greg

Count the Dead Brain Cells

Wow. Just wow. Folks, you missed quite a weekend in Phoenix, or more appropriately, Mesa. First off, it was beautiful. I mean, literally, it was perfect weather. Palm tree-lined streets, a duck pond behind my friend's house, shorts and sandal weather...I think you get the point. But I didn't go down there to work on my tan (that's what I'm doing in January), I went to visit my ex-roommate, Josh. Was it fun? You be the judge. Here's a rundown of the weekend's activities:

-Friday-
2:45- Start six-hour drive. Little did I know the backroads I was taking were going to be curvy, poorly-lit two-lane roads that I would drive way too fast. Also, the AM station carrying Game 5 kept going in and out, but I was able to make it in for the 8th inning (I'm actually downloading it right now since I'm an MLB.TV member, which allowed me to watch every Cardinal game this season on my PC).
7:45- I arrive at my friend's house for the end of the game and act like the giddiest of schoolboys when the Cardinls win. We start drinking Jaeger bombs and Bud Lights. The bottle is gone by the time we leave to a friend's house for a costume party.
10:00- Arrive at the party. I, of course, am Chicken Cord-on-Blue. Sadly, I don't have a picture, but I do have one of Josh, who wrapped himself in Saran Wrap (packaged meat) and aother of an almost spot-on Oompa Loompa. The people here are ten times nicer than in Albuquerque. Beers flow, fun was had by all, and I warn one party-goer about what to expect when in Fiji (lots of trickery fron the natives).
1:30- We drive back to Josh's and continue drinking. We start a fire and B.S. until 5 or so when we pass out.

-Saturday-
12:00- I finally get up, feeling very hungry. I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before, so my tummy was growling for something I had been looking forward to having for a LOOOONG time. So we clean up and head out to...
1:30- In-N-Out Burger. Oh hell yeah! It was busy, but soooo worth the wait. I got the double cheeseburger combo and wolfed it all down. If you've never had it, I highly suggest it.
2:15- I ask Josh what he wants to do and he brings up doing whippits (I think that's how it spelled). I had never done them before, but of course I knew what they were. So we go to a nearby head shop and pick up...well, probably too many capsules of nitrus oxide and go back to his house.
2:45- While watching Wildboyz and a show on train wrecks, we get silly. I mean, whole body wa-wa, hearing voices, drooling type of silly. Josh needs to take a nap afterwards, and I decide to take a walk around his complex.
6:30- We buy some Pollo Loco, another bottle of Jaeger, an 18-pack of Bud Light, and some XXL Monster drinks.
9:30- Again, the bottle is gone between three of us. We drive out to a party of a friend (of course we had a DD...both nights) and this is where the night becomes a bit of a blur.
10:45- I'm really having a good time. Cool people, the keg flowing, but while I'm in line for the bathroom, someone offers me a Xanax. Jake, Josh, and I all partake. And then...

-Sunday-
3:45pm- Josh pounds on the door and asks me, who is fast asleep at the time, if I know what time it is. I guess 12ish and he tells me it's almost 4. That's a 17-hour blackout for the kids counting at home. Wow. I make a hasty departure and start the very long trip home. I'm not hungover, but I'm not really 100% either. I take far too many wrong turns leaving town.
11:00- Get home. Pass out.

Great weekend, but wow, I still feel a little off. I'm told we were very nice to everyone Saturday night, so I guess that's good. But now, time to rest and watch football. Until we meet again, fooligans...

What's On Tap

It figures that my house doesn't sell for four months, and so when I'm ready to renew my lease with the landlord, it sells. Usually, this wouldn't be a problem, but this weekend I'll be in Phoenix visiting an ex-roommate, and then next weekend I'll be in St. Louis for a wedding and seeing mommy dearest. I'll get home on the 7th, we then move out on the 10th, and have to be out by the 12th. Add that this week and the next are production weeks at work, and of course the World Series (Go Cards!), and you have a recipe for hijinx and hilarity! That's also why I've been a bit silent lately, here and on your pages. My apologies.

But yeah, Phoenix tomorrow. I have to leave early so I miss as little of Game 5 as possible. In case you didn't know, this is the Cardinals' year. After they win tonight, they'll finish it off in front of the home crowd Friday night. At least that's what I've been dreaming. But back to Phoenix. Two Hallowwen parties there, too. Guess what I'm going as? I'm tying a chicken around my neck and dressing all in blue. Drum roll...I'm a chicken cord-on-blue. Oh, stop moaning, I know you like it.

And then I return to the city that birthed me on the 3rd. Two friends, Jessica Williams and Phil Palacios, are tying the knot, and I'll be there for all the drunken festivities. Sadly, there will be no return to CoMo as I'll be spending Sunday and Monday with the mom unit, but I wish I could make it down. Drink one for me, will ya? And if you know either of the two soon-to-be-newlyweds (and I know some of you do), send them your congratulations.

But now, I have to pack, make some CDs (an old school driving mix for starters), eat dinner, and watch the Cards take Game 4. I'll fill you in on all the saucy details when I get back from Phoenix; should be a kraZy time. Have a great weekend, everyone.

Yay Spoon! Yay Cardinals! Yay Beer!

Okay, so there's not much direction to this post as of yet. I'm currently making a Spoon CD, and it's been tough to narrow down thus far. Right now, I'm 1:51 over and I don't know where to cut that out.

Also, Game 2 is about to start, and I couldn't be more excited. Those who watched the game last night know what I mean. The Cardinals looked awesome. Reyes pitched pretty much lights out, and the lineup did what they're supposed to do. But what's really been pissing me off is that St. Louis hasn't been given the amount of respect they deserve. No one at ESPN predicted them to win at San Diego, no one thought they could beat the Mets, and only one of eight thinks they'll win. In seven. Plus, the Fox pregame correspondants pandered to the local crowd and said Detroit would come away victorious.

But what happened? St. Louis beat the Padres in four, the Mets in a GREAT seven-game series, and routed Detroit last night 7-2. But of course, they say that the the Mets were injured and that Dertoit just lost momentum after a week off. When are the Cardinals get some much-needed praise?

This just in: Detroit hit a solo shot in the bottom of the first. But the Cards have been able to strike back after getting scored on all throughout the playoffs, so I'm not too worried about a 2-0 deficit after 1.

Sweet, I finally found a way to get it under 80 minutes, and now I'm just put the finishing touches on the playlist. I truly heart Spoon, and have since the first time I heard them in Lawrence with the head cheese over at What We All Want (and a great show that was; John Vanderslice's drummer was kraZy!). It's fun to listen to Spoon's five albums and hear how they've matured and progressed. With Telephono and Series of Sneaks, you really get a rawer Spoon, a little more rocked out than future years. But with Girls Can Tell, you get this Spoon After Dark feel. Really subdued and melodic, but still just as good. Kill the Moonlight had Spoon trying to be both minimalist ("Paper Tiger") and rocked out ("Jonathon Fisk"). And this led to Gimme Fiction. This was my favorite album last year, but I don't think it's their strongest by far. I don't know, I kinda long for the unpolished days of Spoon again. It's a very precise and well-made album, but it lost a bit of its intimacy, if that makes sense.

But anywho, they're still PTS's favorite band and pretty much do no wrong in my eyes (mostly due to that dreamy Britt Daniel). Here's the playlist for your burning enjoyment. I think it's a pretty good mix of the career de Spoon.

1. Everything Hits at Once
2. The Way We Get By
3. The Guestlist/The Execution
4. Cvantez
5. The Two Sides of Monsieur Valentine
6. Anything You Want
7. Reservations
8. Plastic Mylar
9. Sister Jack
10. Jonathon Fisk
11. Take Fifth
12. June's Foreign Spell
13. The Beast and Dragon, Adored
14. Advance Cassette
15. Someone Something
16. Primary
17. Something to Look Forward To
18. All the Negatives Have Been Destroyed
19. Take a Walk
20. Car Radio
21. I Summon You
22. All the Pretty Girls Go to the City
23. The Fitted Shirt
24. Dismember
25. Laffitte Don't Fail Me Now
26. The Agony of Laffitte
27. Chicago At Night

P.S. I know, 27 songs! That's an extra-large Spoon serving. ENJOY IT!

Always Bet on Black

There were a lot of fun headlines on CNN’s home page last night/this morning, and while they all go to individual stories, I thought it would be fun to try to link them all together - completely out of context and without any regard for what the actual article is about - into an interconnected story of deceit and intrigue. Here goes:

Wesley Snipes is about to have the longest day of his life. On the run for crimes he didn’t commit, he must fight for survival as he attempts to uncover who his behind framing him for tax evasion.

While filming New Jack City 2: Boyz N Tha Cornfield on-location in Kansas, Wesley’s world is turned upside-down after uncovering an unusual meteorite, which contains data for a rare Apple virus that affects iPods worldwide. Hunted by U.S. Marshals and a race of vampires who both wish to possess the data to control the world, Wesley will uncover a conspiracy that implicates members at the highest levels of world governments.

His adventure begins as his apartment is set on fire while he’s sleeping. Luckily, his trusty dog Hayes saves him from a fiery grave. Sadly though, Wesley loses his trusty friend as Hayes rushes back into the building to save Wesley’s cat, Wong Foo. In a heartbreaking death scene, Wesley swears revenge on the government swine who took his friend’s life.

His quest will take him to North Korea, where he will have to save the inhabitants of a small town south of Pyongyang from radiation poisoning as three more potential nuke tests are possibly underway. Little does he know this is all a trap to capture him. But thanks to his training as a covert CIA assassin, Wesley gets away in an amazing spectacle of gunfire, knife fighting, explosions, and high-speed chases.

This all ends in a climactic scene as Snipes stages a fire alarm in one of the surrounding Capitol buildings, where he finally corners kingpin Mark Foley and gets him to release the name of his alleged abuser as a kid: a Thai mentor whose tough love drove him to program virus codes for Macs. This particular virus brainwashes the youth to vote Republican, thus keeping their corrupt party in power another 40 years. Foley, ashamed of his deeds, then plunges to his death out of a 10-story window.

For acts of bravery and selfless dedication to his country and moviegoers everywhere, Snipes is awarded the Medal of Honor and also receives a presidential pardon for his tax evasion. But Wesley is again in hot water after punching Democratic senator Ted Kennedy for ‘slavish’ remarks, when the gin-soaked politician says, “I could use more of your kind at my house.” The senator then apologizes and all laugh heartily as the credits roll and the screen fades to black.

What new adventures lie ahead for Mr. Snipes? Only time will tell. Tune in next time, same Snipe time, same Snipe channel. Now off to softball before I watch the Cardinals win the pennant.

B is for Beer, That's Good Enough for Me!

Okay, so that's not quite how it goes, but I think if there was ever a Sesame Street: The College Years, that's about how it would sound. But until then, just enjoy this trip down Memory Lane.

Crying in My Beer

Yep, nothing like writing a nice long entry only to have it completely erased by your browser closing. I was placing my last link (a clip of the head exploding scene from Scanners) when Firefox up and crashed. Not only was I giving an encore presentation of 300 after seeing it on Error 204, but I also shared something I happened to find while looking busy at work: The Mother of All Trailers. Two-and-a-half minutes of amazing cliche action. In fact, it was just like the trailer below. Weird.



It's too bad I lost everything, because I also wrote about my two-loss effort pitching in softball yesterday. Man, you missed out on a whole lot of laughs at my account. Oh well, have a good night, fooligans.

Vader Is Sooo Grounded!

That's a Winner!!

Despite the predictions of a nigh-unanimous panel of so-called "experts" at ESPN, the Cardinals beat the San Diego Padres Sunday night in four games, a team they also swept last year in the NLDS.

I have to say I was a little wary of the Cardinals coming into the playoffs. They were the losingest team in the National League since the end of July, and almost went home early after nearly blowing a 7.5 game division lead. But by the skin of their teeth, they made it, and I was there cheering them on, for better or for worse.

Luckily, it was for the better. This team turned a complete 180, and the Cardinal I was most impressed by during the series: Ronnie Belliard. You never would think this fat tub of goo could move like he does, but yet, he made some great catches and stops at second base (saved a lot of runs in the process) and had some key hits throughout the four games. I didn't know what to think when they picked him up halfway through the season, but the more I watched, the more I warmed up to him. Definitely the better pickup between him and Preston Wilson. I'd like to see him back next year, methinks (I predict this to be a very eventful offseason for St. Louis, but that's a whole other post).

Next up, the Mets. Most of the season I had predicted it would be a Mets-Cardinals NLCS, and both had similar stories coming into this (losing their way into the playoffs). New York's really scary, our Redbirds better get their shit together if they even want to split the first two at Shea. But this little fan believes. Who's with me?!

"Rap Ain't About Bustin Caps and Fuckin Bitches..."

"...It's about fluency with rhyme and ingenuity."

Tonight I'll witness an intergalactic rap battle. It's going to be interspectacular, fantabulous, and it'll blow my socks off. I hear it's one of those things where it's machine vs. man, man vs. woman, woman vs. your mother. It should be...instupituous!

But eff yeah, ya lil' crumbsnatchers, Del's in Albuquerque tonight. Who's coming with me?

iGreg

So at work, my homepage is apple.com. Not that I love reading news about Apple and their trendy products, but I've just been too lazy to change it.

On the page, down the left side, it has its little iTunes section, with random small windows promoting exclusive downloads, new albums/TV shows, and the focus of this post, celebrity playlists. If you've ever checked the list, it's quite long. Musicians, actors, world leaders (Castro, WTF?), and every time I read through one, I wonder why Apple hasn't asked me to do a playlist. Then I remember I'm not a celebrity.

But I still thought I'd take the initiative and make a list to finally satisfy everyone's curiosity, although I'll try to keep it short so you don't have to read through 20 of my silly little ramblings. And unlike this pay-per-song nonsense, I encourage you to obtain these tracks using your preferred illegal method. Here goes:

Greg Klein's Playlist (in no particular order):

1. Spoon - The Guestlist/The Execution: "Lately, I can't get enough of Spoon's early stuff. That, and I just can't get enough of Spoon period."
2. TV on the Radio - Wolk Like Me: "Try not dancing/moving/ freaking out during this song. I dare you!"
3. Dilated Peoples - Worst Comes to Worst: "Like 'Concrete Schoolyard' and 'Ain't Nothing But a G Thang,' this is just some of the most perfect laid-back hip hop you'll hear. Boo? Yah!"
4. Neko Case - Star Witness: "My favorite song of 2006. There's a very haunting beauty to it and I just love Neko Case's voice throughout this album."
5. Frank Sinatra - The Way You Look Tonight: "My favorite song of all-time. Everything fits together perfectly: the lyrics, Frank's voice, the subtle sounds of the band behind him. I can't feel bad during this song."
6. Al Green - Let's Stay Together: "Goddamn, is Al Green one soulful dude! My dad was a big fan of his, so I've been hearing his Greatest Hits for a long time. Still one of my favorite albums, too. This is also my runner-up to the song above."
7. G. Love & Special Sauce - Kiss and Tell: "Classic fun G. Love."
8. Faith No More - Falling to Pieces: "Who wins in a fight: Mike Patton or God?"
9. Mr. Bungle - My Ass Is On Fire: "I've been on a several month-long binge of Mike Patton, and I keep finding new songs I love. This man is a musical genius."
10. Sepultura - Refuse/Resist: "If someone was to ask me how a heavy metal song should sound, this is what I would play."
12. Non-Phixion - Skum: "'I come in bad taste, like sniffin' caine before a funeral.' Priceless. You need to listen to more Non-Phixion."
13. Iron Maiden - Hallowed Be Thy Name: "I'm still sad the rumors of a Mastodon-Maiden tour never came to fruition, I would love to hear this song live and see if Bruce Dickinson can really hold that note. Something tells he can."
14. Tom Waits - Warm Beer and Cold Women: "No one can write a 3am bar song like Tom Waits."

Pop Perfection

Whether created among four musicians or by the Harrington 1200, the perfect pop song is a topic I've brought up with friends before, discussing in length not only about what defines "pop perfection," but also what songs should fall into said category. This can be a very subjective topic.

First, a song need not be "pop" to be pop perfect, but this is generally where most of these songs come from, since the strength of a pop song lies in its radio playability and mass appeal. Pop perfection means you've reached this apex of the two. Pop songs are catchy, and can't be too complex. The chorus, the rhythm, the sound, all of it together to make a song that can be listened anywhere and enjoyed by all when played. And those who don't enjoy it, you're still going to have the song stuck in your head for half the day. The song doesn't need to be famous; a major label is no prereq for pop perfection. But be careful in making the list. Look past your love of a song and decide carefully if it meets the standards. A perfect song may not be pop perfect. I know, I'm confusing myself here, too; I can verbally explain myself better, but it's a little harder writing this without sounding like a rambling idiot (too late).

Of course, there are many different eras of pop music to be considered. There's the old standard singers (Sinatra, Bobby Darin), Motown (Diana Ross, The Temptations), old school rock & roll (Beach Boys, Little Richard, etc.), that whole 80s pop thing (Madonna, Duran Duran), boy/girl bands (NKOTB, Spice Girls), indie pop, ranging from the saccharine (Boy Least Likely To, Sondre Lerche) to the more...not saccharine (The Shins, Luna), and then just the general menagerie of Top 40 and popular music from the last fifty years. The potential list can be staggering. And so far, all I've done is just ramble off some artists.

But enough talk, I want to know what you think, fooligans. What songs do you consider pop perfect? Tell you what, I'll show you mine, but you gotta show me yours. Deal? Cool.

The Cardigans - Lovefool
The Archies - Sugar Sugar
A-Ha - Take On Me
Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life
Weezer - Buddy Holly
James Brown - I Feel Good
The dBs - Big Brown Eyes

Editor's Note: This list is in no way comprehensive, but several songs that soundly represent the feeling of pop perfection. There are many other songs swimming around in my head, but this has taken far too long and the post hasn't come out as good as I thought it would. C'est la vie.